#I believe she forces herself to be compassionate and the compassion has a limit
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Listen to me LISTEN TO ME. Shinobu has GOT to get WEIRDER with it!!! She has GOT to begin to crack beneath the immense pressure of playing the Hashira’s resident Mommy/Teacher/Nurse/Headmistress of the Kocho School for Wayward Girls all the time!!! Has she ever had a moment to herself? To allow herself to be a grieving, traumatized girl herself??????? She can’t even show her anger her grief her fear ANYTHING bc she promised her fucking dead sister she’d keep a smile on her face. Hello?? She has GOT to start getting weird!!!!
#leave your ‘weird girl Shinobu’ headcanons in the replies and tags#with your help we can make this woman a feral ticking timebomb#kny#mine are that she’s obsessed with insects to the point of keeping several in terrariums in her offices#or just letting them run free in her office fuck it#will threaten you with violence or just do violence if you squash a bug that wanders inside#I believe she forces herself to be compassionate and the compassion has a limit#it’s a very very high ceiling but if you hit it. god help you#my other headcanon is that men hit this ceiling FAR more frequently than women#we Stan a misandrist 💖🌸 amen#I’m sure I’m reading too far into this but fr has anybody noticed she surrounds herself only with women and girls so far in the show#like. girl what happened to you.#I’m so so frightened to find out#anyway I love Shinobu soooo so so so much let her be mean and weird !!!#also. I might be projecting
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Daenerys Targaryen in A Storm of Swords vs Game of Thrones - Episode 4.1: Two Swords
In this series of posts, I intend to analyze precisely how the show writers downplayed or erased several key aspects of Daenerys Targaryen’s characterization, even when they had the books to help them write her as the compelling, intelligent, compassionate, frugal, open-minded and self-critical character that GRRM created.
I want to make it clear that these posts are not primarily meant to offer a better alternative to what the show writers gave us. I understand that they had many constraints (e.g. other storylines to handle, a limited amount of time to write the scripts, budget, actors who may have asked for a certain number of lines, etc) working against them. However, considering how disrespectful the show’s ending was to Daenerys Targaryen and how the book material that they left out makes it even more ludicrous to think that she will also become a villain in A Song of Ice and Fire, I believe that these reviews are more than warranted. They are meant to dissect everything about Dany’s characterization that was lost in translation, with a lot of book evidence to corroborate my statements.
Since these reviews will dissect scene by scene, I recommend taking a look at this post because I will use its sequence to order Dany’s scenes.
This post is relevant in case you want to know which chapters were adapted in which GoT episodes (however, I didn’t make the list myself, all the information comes from the GoT Wiki, so I can’t guarantee that it’s 100% reliable).
In general, I will call the Dany from the books “Dany” and the Dany from the TV series “show!Dany”.
Scene 1
While seeing show!Dany with her dragons is always enjoyable on its own, I have some problems with this moment. The first is that we'll begin season four with show!Dany worrying about her dragons' behavior here and, later, end it with her locking two of her dragons away. These scenes don't focus as much on show!Dany herself as they focus on her relationship with her dragons, which I think is quite a problem in comparison to how ASOS and ADWD (which will be the book that the writers will adapt starting from episode 4.6) begin and end:
Dany begins ASOS hopeful and happy that she's finally going to Westeros. She ends the book disillusioned because her efforts to help the former slaves didn't pay off like she expected, so she calls off her dreams of home in order to stay and fulfill (what she thinks is) her moral duty as queen.
Dany begins ADWD distraught because she's still dealing with the nobility's backlash and retaliation against her authority even now that she has tried to be conciliatory and rule in peace. She ends the book a) disabused of the notion that peace is possible and b) directing her eyes to Westeros again.
As we can see, these two books begin and end displaying Dany's multiple dilemmas: home vs duty, other people vs herself, peace vs war, conciliation vs use of force and so on.
In the show, while her last scene in the season four finale at least highlights her compassion towards her people, I'd argue it still mainly focuses on her relationship with her dragons (which is only one of many issues that Dany deals with in the books) rather than on grappling with the questions above in a way that centers primarily on show!Dany herself, like the books do with Dany.
My second problem is that having show!Dany be concerned about her dragons' behavior that much earlier than in the books poses another problem:
In ADWD, Dany ultimately failed in protecting her human children during her tenure because she chose peace with the slavers and was, therefore, detached from her dragon children, from her Targaryen heritage and from her identity as the Mother of Dragons. By meeting Drogon again, getting in touch with who she was and choosing fire and blood (war), she will be able to protect her people again and be a better mhysa. Ultimately, mother of dragons and mhysa are complementary parts of who Dany is.
In the show, however, the dragons begin to seem troublesome before we get to Meereen, before show!Dany begins to rule and before the issue of peace vs war becomes a major dilemma for her. This happened for two reasons: a) D&D are bad writers who dismiss themes as only being necessary for eighth-grade book reports (here, I imagine they probably just wanted to add more shock value to show!Dany's plotline) and b) D&D think that peace = good (even if it privileges a status quo that normalizes slavery) and war = bad, so killing slavers = bad, dragons = bad and continuing on with an anti-slavery revolution = bad (failure to understand reason 1 of why Dany's storyline matters).
My third problem is that, in the books, it's clear that what really upsets Dany is not that the dragons are eating goats, but rather that, as they grow and become more independent, the chances of her dragons a) hurting other people or b) running away increase:
“They have been wild while you were gone, Khaleesi,” Irri told her. “Viserion clawed splinters from the door, do you see? And Drogon made to escape when the slaver men came to see them. When I grabbed his tail to hold him back, he turned and bit me.” She showed Dany the marks of his teeth on her hand.
“Did any of them try to burn their way free?” That was the thing that frightened Dany the most.
“No, Khaleesi. Drogon breathed his fire, but in the empty air. The slaver men feared to come near him.”
She kissed Irri’s hand where Drogon had bitten it. “I’m sorry he hurt you. Dragons are not meant to be locked up in a small ship’s cabin.” (ASOS Daenerys II)
~
There was no sign of Viserion, but when she went to the parapet and scanned the horizon she saw pale wings in the far distance, sweeping above the river. He is hunting. They grow bolder every day. Yet it still made her anxious when they flew too far away. One day one of them may not return, she thought. (ASOS Daenerys VI)
~
Her dragons were growing wild of late. Rhaegal had snapped at Irri, and Viserion had set Reznak’s tokar ablaze the last time the seneschal had called. I have left them too much to themselves, but where am I to find the time for them? (ADWD Daenerys I)
~
If I look back, I am doomed, Dany told herself … but how could she not look back? I should have seen it coming. Was I so blind, or did I close my eyes willfully, so I would not have to see the price of power?
[...] At Astapor the slaver's eyes had melted. On the road to Yunkai, when Daario tossed the heads of Sallor the Bald and Prendahl na Ghezn at her feet, her children made a feast of them. Dragons had no fear of men. And a dragon large enough to gorge on sheep could take a child just as easily. (ADWD Daenerys II)
Before what happened to Hazzea, she was okay with the fact that they were hunting and devouring sheep:
Viserion sensed her disquiet. [...] “You should be hunting with your brothers. Have you and Drogon been fighting again?” (ADWD Daenerys I)
~
Her dragons had grown too large to be content with rats and cats and dogs. The more they eat, the larger they will grow, Ser Barristan had warned her, and the larger they grow, the more they’ll eat. Drogon especially ranged far afield and could easily devour a sheep a day. (ADWD Daenerys I)
Basically, this is my way of saying that, if they needed to have a scene where show!Dany is uneasy about what the dragons were doing, they should've shown them almost harming one of the people in her retinue or something along those lines (rather than being shocked at seeing them hunt and eat), for that would showcase her empathy like in the books.
My fourth problem with this scene is that we see part of it from show!Jorah's point of view:
JORAH: They’re dragons, Khaleesi. They can never be tamed. Not even by their mother.
In the show, he gets the first line of show!Dany's season four storyline, he gets to be anxious about the dragons before show!Dany is (which undermines how reflective she is in the books) and he is the one who warns her of their wildness when, in the books, she is aware of it without anyone having to tell her. It's another subtle way of undermining show!Dany's agency in comparison to her book counterpart, unfortunately.
My fifth and final problem is that, well, this scene was written by the same people who thought that it was necessary to have show!Dany's dragons taken from her in season two (which never happened in ACOK) and show her going "back to being a really frightened little girl" because she is "so defined" by them. It's the opposite in the books: the dragons only turned into weapons to fight against slavery because of her choices. So, with that in mind, I don't like how they made them so important in her first and last scenes of the season when they never were in the books. And all of this conflict feels superfluous in retrospect, when one remembers that show!Dany doesn't struggle to control them in the last three seasons at all.
*
DAENERYS: Ser Barristan.
BARRISTAN: Your Grace.
DAENERYS: Where’s Daario Naharis? Where’s Grey Worm?
BARRISTAN: Gambling, Your Grace.
DAENERYS: Gambling?
I have problems with how show!Barristan and show!Dany are being portrayed here because it feels like the show writers switched their characterizations when we consider what we know of them in the books.
First, why is show!Barristan holding his laughter about this situation? In the books, Barristan clearly dislikes Daario and his influence on Dany:
On the day that he returned from his latest sortie, he had tossed the head of a Yunkish lord at her feet and kissed her in the hall for all the world to see, until Barristan Selmy pulled the two of them apart. Ser Grandfather had been so wroth that Dany feared blood might be shed. (ADWD Daenerys VII)
~
“This is your gift? A scrap of writing?” Daario snatched the parchment out of the Dornishman’s hands and unrolled it, squinting at the seals and signatures. “Very pretty, all the gold and ribbons, but I do not read your Westerosi scratchings.”
“Bring it to the queen,” Ser Barristan commanded. “Now.” (ADWD Daenerys VII)
~
“...Poor Daario, her brave captain … she will never forget him, no … but better for all of us if he is dead, yes? Better for Daenerys too.”
Better for Daenerys, and for Westeros. Daenerys Targaryen loved her captain, but that was the girl in her, not the queen. [...]
Her love for Daario is poison. A slower poison than the locusts, but in the end as deadly. (ADWD The Kingbreaker)
Now, Barristan is a product of his misogynistic society and I do think he's wrong for thinking (in the last quote above) that Dany's love for Daario is a sign of immaturity, but my point here is that he wouldn't be laughing about something that Daario was doing behind Dany's back; in fact, he would've most likely informed her as soon as he learned about it because he respects her authority.
Additionally, he's known for lacking a sense of humor and not being relaxed, which makes this scene even more OOC for him:
The old knight was a good man, but sometimes very literal. It was only a jape, ser, she thought, but she sat on one of the pillows just the same. (ADWD Daenerys II)
~
“She needs a spear,” Ser Barristan said, as Barsena vaulted over the beast’s second charge. “That is no way to fight a boar.” He sounded like someone’s fussy old grandsire, just as Daario was always saying. (ADWD Daenerys IX)
Second, why is show!Dany being portrayed as the uptight one here? In the chapter that they are drawing from, there are several moments displaying her carefree side:
“Five, were there? Well, that’s a confusion. I could not give you a number, my queen. This old Plumm was a lord, though, must have been a famous fellow in his day, the talk of all the land. The thing was, begging your royal pardon, he had himself a cock six foot long.”
The three bells in Dany’s braid tinkled when she laughed. “You mean inches, I think.”
“Feet,” Brown Ben said firmly. “If it was inches, who’d want to talk about it, now? Your Grace.”
Dany giggled like a little girl. (ASOS Daenerys V)
~
He tried to spare me the sight of the dead children too. He should not have done that, but he meant it kindly. And Daario Naharis made her laugh, which Ser Jorah never did. (ASOS Daenerys V)
Besides admiring Daario's sense of humor and swagger, Dany also appreciates that she can let go of the burdens of queenship (and luxury) and be more spontaneous and frugal when she's with him:
In Meereen I was a queen in silk, nibbling on stuffed dates and honeyed lamb, she remembered. What would my noble husband think if he could see me now? Hizdahr would be horrified, no doubt. But Daario ...
Daario would laugh, carve off a hunk of horsemeat with his arakh, and squat down to eat beside her. (ADWD Daenerys X)
Unfortunately, the show never allows any of those aspects of Dany's characterization to come across onscreen because the writers wanted show!Dany to appear very stoic, which we know because Emilia's said in an interview that they wanted her to "sit up straight and don't smile, you're not funny", which is quite a shame; not only the writers would've been more faithful to the books by allowing her to smile and laugh and enjoy herself, it would've made show!Dany more endearing.
Ultimately, I think the change in these characters comes down to a) D&D not really understanding any of the characters of the books and b) their sexist assumptions that men are funnier than women and that powerful women are all ice queens.
*
I also need to talk about how show!Dany's connection to the Dothraki, the Unsullied and the freedmen is being undermined onscreen in comparison to what we get solely from ASOS Daenerys V.
In the show, the Dothraki only appear briefly in the background of this episode to never be seen again through the rest of season four and the entirety of season five.
In ASOS Daenerys V, we see how Dany's time with the Dothraki influenced her when she judges the slavers' reaction to her army or assesses the way that Oznak fights:
They are pissing on slaves, to show how little they fear us, she thought. They would never dare such a thing if it were a Dothraki khalasar outside their gates. (ASOS Daenerys V)
~
Oznak zo Pahl charged a third time, and now Dany could see plainly that he was riding past Belwas, the way a Westerosi knight might ride at an opponent in a tilt, rather than at him, like a Dothraki riding down a foe. (ASOS Daenerys V)
We also see her interacting with her khalasar and considering that her bloodriders a) are too important to send to fight against Oznak and b) aren't the most adequate men to send to Meereen's sewers:
Her bloodriders were in such a fever to go meet him that they almost came to blows. “Blood of my blood,” Dany told them, “your place is here by me. This man is a buzzing fly, no more. Ignore him, he will soon be gone.” Aggo, Jhogo, and Rakharo were brave warriors, but they were young, and too valuable to risk. They kept her khalasar together, and were her best scouts too. (ASOS Daenerys V)
~
“When cowards hide behind great walls, it is they who are defeated, Khaleesi,” Ko Jhogo said.
Her other bloodriders concurred. “Blood of my blood,” said Rakharo, “when cowards hide and burn the food and fodder, great khals must seek for braver foes. This is known.”
“It is known,” Jhiqui agreed, as she poured.
“Not to me.” (ASOS Daenerys V)
~
“These sewers do not sound promising.” Grey Worm would lead his Unsullied down the sewers if she commanded it, she knew; her bloodriders would do no less. But none of them was suited to the task. The Dothraki were horsemen, and the strength of the Unsullied was their discipline on the battlefield. Can I send men to die in the dark on such a slender hope? (ASOS Daenerys V)
So, despite not getting enough characterization to be set apart as their own individuals because of GRRM's racism, the Dothraki people's influence on Dany's decision-making is still clear. Unfortunately, this is completely absent from the show.
On HBO, when show!Dany passes by the Unsullied, they are shown standing still in silent ranks for no reason while their commander show!Grey Worm is on a contest against show!Daario because the writers wanted it to happen, even though it doesn't gel with his characterization (more on that later).
In ASOS Daenerys V, when Dany passes by the Unsullied, a) they are shown separated in groups that are either training (along with Grey Worm) or bathing and b) we get information on their hygiene practices:
As they rode past the stakes and pits that surrounded the eunuch encampment, Dany could hear Grey Worm and his sergeants running one company through a series of drills with shield, shortsword, and heavy spear. Another company was bathing in the sea, clad only in white linen breechclouts. The eunuchs were very clean, she had noticed. Some of her sellswords smelled as if they had not washed or changed their clothes since her father lost the Iron Throne, but the Unsullied bathed each evening, even if they’d marched all day. When no water was available they cleansed themselves with sand, the Dothraki way. (ASOS Daenerys V)
It's lovely to see Dany returning the Unsullied's greeting, which is another example of how she (relatively speaking) sees lowborn people as equals to her:
The eunuchs knelt as she passed, raising clenched fists to their breasts. Dany returned the salute. (ASOS Daenerys V)
We also get to see the Unsullied cheer for Belwas after he won his duel:
The besiegers gave him a raucous welcome as soon as he reached the camp. Her Dothraki hooted and screamed, and the Unsullied sent up a great clangor by banging their spears against their shields. (ASOS Daenerys V)
We get to see Grey Worm openly objecting to Daario's suggestion that the Unsullied are immune to the boiling oil that the slavers would probably throw at them if they tried to storm the gates. While he and the Unsullied would still do this if Dany had given them the command, this is a subtle sign of his character development because it displays that, unlike with the slave masters, he's at least now able to speak out about the risks that he and his men would face:
“...We can storm the gates with axes, to be sure, but ...”
“Did you see them bronze heads above the gates?” asked Brown Ben Plumm. “Rows of harpy heads with open mouths? The Meereenese can squirt boiling oil out them mouths, and cook your axemen where they stand.”
Daario Naharis gave Grey Worm a smile. “Perhaps the Unsullied should wield the axes. Boiling oil feels like no more than a warm bath to you, I have heard.”
“This is false.” Grey Worm did not return the smile. “These ones do not feel burns as men do, yet such oil blinds and kills. The Unsullied do not fear to die, though. Give these ones rams, and we will batter down these gates or die in the attempt.” (ASOS Daenerys V)
And then, we see Dany deciding not to endanger the Unsullied's lives (similar to how she sought to prevent too many former slaves of Astapor from dying in the battle of Yunkai), which highlights both her compassion and her intelligence (since she shows knowledge of the Unsullied's particular strengths to conclude that they shouldn't be sent to the sewers):
Dany sighed. “I will not throw away Unsullied lives, Grey Worm. (ASOS Daenerys V)
~
“These sewers do not sound promising.” Grey Worm would lead his Unsullied down the sewers if she commanded it, she knew; her bloodriders would do no less. But none of them was suited to the task. The Dothraki were horsemen, and the strength of the Unsullied was their discipline on the battlefield. Can I send men to die in the dark on such a slender hope? (ASOS Daenerys V)
Sadly, the show ignores all of this.
On HBO, show!Dany walked past the freedmen on her way to meet show!Daario.
In ASOS Daenerys V, Dany chose to go meet the freedmen because she didn't want to spend time distracted by her feelings for Daario:
“Missandei,” she called, “have my silver saddled. Your own mount as well.”
The little scribe bowed. “As Your Grace commands. Shall I summon your bloodriders to guard you?”
“We’ll take Arstan. I do not mean to leave the camps.” She had no enemies among her children. (ASOS Daenerys V)
We learn that the fighting men were provided with weapons from the other two cities and were now being trained (though not at the particular moment that she chose to meet them):
South of the ordered realm of stakes, pits, drills, and bathing eunuchs lay the encampments of her freedmen, a far noisier and more chaotic place. Dany had armed the former slaves as best she could with weapons from Astapor and Yunkai, and Ser Jorah had organized the fighting men into four strong companies, yet she saw no one drilling here. (ASOS Daenerys V)
Besides the fighting men, we also get information on children and women:
They passed a driftwood fire where a hundred people had gathered to roast the carcass of a horse. She could smell the meat and hear the fat sizzling as the spit boys turned, but the sight only made her frown.
Children ran behind their horses, skipping and laughing. [...]
Dany had stopped to speak to a pregnant woman who wanted the Mother of Dragons to name her baby[.] (ASOS Daenerys V)
Then, there's also how the freedmen perceive and act around Dany:
Some of the freedmen greeted her as “Mother,” while others begged for boons or favors. Some prayed for strange gods to bless her, and some asked her to bless them instead. She smiled at them, turning right and left, touching their hands when they raised them, letting those who knelt reach up to touch her stirrup or her leg. Many of the freedmen believed there was good fortune in her touch. If it helps give them courage, let them touch me, she thought. There are hard trials yet ahead ... (ASOS Daenerys V)
Instead of believing that she has a "glorious destiny" (like the show writers put it), Dany's actual thoughts display that she only allows the freedmen to revere her because it helps them to feel safe; this is another sign of her empathy, not of her self-gratification or entitlement as many often think.
Finally, the chapter shows the freedmen killing a man for Dany:
Mero went sprawling, blood bubbling from his mouth as the waves washed over him. A moment later the freedmen washed over him too, knives and stones and angry fists rising and falling in a frenzy. (ASOS Daenerys V)
In the books, the former captain of the Second Sons, Mero, hid among the freedmen and bided his time to kill Dany out of revenge for having been deceived by her in Yunkai. Barristan defended her and defeated Mero with a stick, which then led to the freedmen ultimately killing him for their mhysa (and to Barristan's identity and Jorah's treason being revealed).
On HBO, because a) show!Barristan's identity was revealed right away and b) show!Mero was killed by show!Daario (who is part of the Second Sons onscreen rather than the Stormcrows onpage), this scene never happened, making this another example of Dany's connection with the freedmen being undermined from books to show.
If the writers really cared about "the people who may be suffering the repercussions of the decisions made by those heroic people" (which was their justification for leaving show!Dany out of the picture in the second half of the episode where they had her decide to kill thousands of innocents out of nowhere), they would've shown the (already limited) interactions between Dany and her khalasar, the Unsullied and the freedmen at the very least. In fact, if the writers really cared about them, they could've gone further and explored characters that GRRM himself didn't:
“Nine, the noble Reznak said. Who else?”
“Three freedmen, murdered in their homes,” the Shavepate said. “A moneylender, a cobbler, and the harpist Rylona Rhee. They cut her fingers off before they killed her.” The queen flinched. Rylona Rhee had played the harp as sweetly as the Maiden. When she had been a slave in Yunkai, she had played for every highborn family in the city. In Meereen she had become a leader amongst the Yunkish freedmen, their voice in Dany’s councils. (ADWD Daenerys II)
Rylona Rhee was a character whose existence we only learned about in ADWD, after she was already killed by the Harpy's Sons. As the quote shows, though, she represented the Yunkish freedmen's interests in Dany's court and had a lot of potential as a character that GRRM didn't tap into. The show could've easily improved this... Think about it: if Rylona was among the Yunkish freedmen, this means that she met Dany at the end of ASOS Daenerys IV (which, in the show, was episode 3.10). From that point until ADWD Daenerys II, the entirety of season four and the beginning of season five went by (this happened because the show writers reaaaallly stretched out the events of ASOS Daenerys V and VI and parts of ADWD Daenerys I and II). This span of time would've been the perfect opportunity to introduce Rylona's character, flesh her out and give us more information about the freedmen.
Now, the show writers would've never done something like this, of course; they only cared about the lowborn people's deaths and the shock value that would come with them, not about their motivations and lives in general.
*
DAENERYS: How long have they been at it?
MISSANDEI: Since midnight, Your Grace.
DAARIO: Ser Worm is stronger than he looks. But I can see his arms beginning to shake.
DAENERYS: What’s the prize to winning this stupid contest?
DAARIO: The honour of riding by your side on the road to Meereen.
DAENERYS: That honour goes to Ser Jorah and Ser Barristan, as neither of them kept me waiting this morning. You two will ride in the rear guard and protect the livestock. The last man holding his sword can find a new queen to fight for.
I already talked about my first issue with the scene, which is that it portrays show!Dany as rigid and strict while it ignores that her book counterpart is allowed to be playful and not take herself seriously in several moments in the books, including in this chapter (see above).
My second problem with it is that ... why would either show!Grey Worm or show!Daario think that this contest would give one of them "the honour of riding by [show!Dany's] side on the road to Meereen"? Did they forget that this choice is show!Dany's to make? Did they forget that she is their leader? By comparison, this is what Grey Worm says when Hizdahr tries to give him orders after Dany departs Meereen:
Hizdahr’s blunder with Grey Worm had cost him the Unsullied. When His Grace had tried to put them under the command of a cousin, as he had the Brazen Beasts, Grey Worm had informed the king that they were free men who took commands only from their mother. (ADWD The Queensguard)
Considering that Grey Worm only respects his queen's authority in the books, I doubt that he would've accepted to join this contest because he would know that its "prize" is worthless to begin with. Same goes for Daario. Unfortunately, this goes in line with how the (sexist) writers of this show have show!Dany's men make decisions among themselves and forget that show!Dany is their liege (another example: show!Barristan asking show!Jorah (rather than show!Dany) to take part in the battle of Yunkai), which is something that would've been fixed by simply paying more attention to the books. Unfortunately, this will only get worse as time goes on.
*
DAARIO: You like this girl? Must be frustrating.
GREY WORM: You are not a smart man, Daario Naharis.
DAARIO: I’d rather have no brains and two balls.
I'm fine with the show introducing a romantic relationship between show!Grey Worm and show!Missandei (which doesn't happen in the books because Missandei is 10-11), but it bothers me that the writers thought that the very first scene suggesting that show!Grey Worm has feelings for show!Missandei should feature show!Daario making an eunuch joke. Not that this would've been better if it weren't the first scene hinting at MissWorm, of course, it's needlessly offensive regardless and, while GRRM isn't immune to stuff like this either, it's true that this doesn't even happen in the books to begin with.
Scene 2
DAENERYS: Have you ever been to Meereen?
MISSANDEI: Several times, Your Grace, with Master Kraznys.
DAENERYS: And?
MISSANDEI: They say a thousand slaves died building the Great Pyramid of Meereen.
DAENERYS: And now an army of former slaves is marching to her gates. You think the Great Masters are worried?
MISSANDEI: If they’re smart, Your Grace.
This detail about a thousand slaves having died while they built the Great Pyramid of Meereen is a show only invention.
Show!Missandei telling show!Dany that the Great Masters should be worried about the latter's army if they are smart is also a show only invention (which leaves a really bad taste in my mouth in retrospect, since this original bit of dialogue most likely stems from their impression that show!Dany is "becoming more and more viable as a threat" based on her campaign in Slaver's Bay, which will also inform why, six years later, they'll think that it's okay to say that show!Dany's actions in King's Landing were foreshadowed by her "willingness to go forth and conquer all [her] enemies"; failure to understand reasons 1 and 2 of why Dany's storyline matters).
It makes no sense that the writers felt the need to add original lines when we could've had what ASOS Daenerys V actually gave us:
When she looked over one shoulder, there it stood, the afternoon sun blazing off the bronze harpy atop the Great Pyramid. Inside Meereen the slavers would soon be reclining in their fringed tokars to feast on lamb and olives, unborn puppies, honeyed dormice and other such delicacies, whilst outside her children went hungry. A sudden wild anger filled her. I will bring you down, she swore. (ASOS Daenerys V)
As the quote above shows, Dany's discomfort with the Meereenese slavers' privileges and traditions stems from the fact that they only have these things to begin with because they've maintained and benefitted from the slave trade for centuries. That's why she no longer enjoys eating puppies:
“...We give each boy a puppy on the day that he is cut. At the end of the first year, he is required to strangle it. Any who cannot are killed, and fed to the surviving dogs.” (ASOS Daenerys II)
~
“Good dog in Astapor, little queen. Eat?” He offered it with a greasy grin.
“That is kind of you, Belwas, but no.” Dany had eaten dog in other places, at other times, but just now all she could think of was the Unsullied and their stupid puppies. (ASOS Daenerys II)
Or why she asked Jhogo not to use the whip inside Astapor:
He stopped before a thickset man who had the look of Lhazar about him and brought his whip up sharply, laying a line of blood across one copper cheek. The eunuch blinked, and stood there, bleeding. “Would you like another?” asked Kraznys.
“If it please your worship.” (ASOS Daenerys II)
~
“Make way for the Mother of Dragons!” But when he uncoiled the great silverhandled whip that Dany had given him, and made to crack it in the air, she leaned out and told him nay. “Not in this place, blood of my blood,” she said, in his own tongue. “These bricks have heard too much of the sound of whips.” (ASOS Daenerys II)
Or why she considered banning the tokar, though she ultimately kept it in an attempt to help to make peace with the slavers:
Walking in a tokar demanded small, mincing steps and exquisite balance, lest one tread upon those heavy trailing fringes. It was not a garment meant for any man who had to work. The tokar was a master’s garment, a sign of wealth and power.
Dany had wanted to ban the tokar when she took Meereen, but her advisors had convinced her otherwise. “The Mother of Dragons must don the tokar or be forever hated,” warned the Green Grace, Galazza Galare. “In the wools of Westeros or a gown of Myrish lace, Your Radiance shall forever remain a stranger amongst us, a grotesque outlander, a barbarian conqueror. Meereen’s queen must be a lady of Old Ghis.” Brown Ben Plumm, the captain of the Second Sons, had put it more succinctly. “Man wants to be the king o’ the rabbits, he best wear a pair o’ floppy ears.” (ADWD Daenerys I)
Or why she was intent on keeping the fighting pits closed:
“Ask her if she wishes to view our fighting pits,” Kraznys added. “Douquor’s Pit has a fine folly scheduled for the evening. A bear and three small boys. One boy will be rolled in honey, one in blood, and one in rotting fish, and she may wager on which the bear will eat first.” (ASOS Daenerys II)
~
“Why?” she demanded, when Ithoke had finished. “You are no longer slaves, doomed to die at a master’s whim. I freed you. Why should you wish to end your lives upon the scarlet sands?” (ADWD Daenerys II)
Or, finally, why she chose to replace the previous throne for an ebony bench:
Her audience chamber was on the level below, an echoing high-ceilinged room with walls of purple marble. It was a chilly place for all its grandeur. There had been a throne there, a fantastic thing of carved and gilded wood in the shape of a savage harpy. She had taken one long look and commanded it be broken up for firewood. “I will not sit in the harpy’s lap,” she told them. Instead she sat upon a simple ebony bench. It served, though she had heard the Meereenese muttering that it did not befit a queen. (ASOS Daenerys VI)
All of these examples highlight that Dany struggles to accept the Meereenese slavers' culture because of her desire to end slavery and achieve equality. The quote from ASOS Daenerys V above could've easily been added in the show during a conversation between show!Dany and show!Missandei like this one.
Now, one could argue that this couldn't have happened in this episode because show!Dany hadn't yet a) seen the one hundred and sixty-three dead children, b) arrived in Meereen, c) seen the Great Pyramid and/or d) faced the risk of her people starve during the siege, all of which increase her righteous anger and determination to move forward with her crusade and do justice. That's true, but it leads to another question: why didn't they let this episode begin with show!Dany in Meereen like how ASOS Daenerys V begins, that is, with her having to face Meereen's champion?
Meereen was as large as Astapor and Yunkai combined. Like her sister cities she was built of brick, but where Astapor had been red and Yunkai yellow, Meereen was made with bricks of many colors. Her walls were higher than Yunkai’s and in better repair, studded with bastions and anchored by great defensive towers at every angle. Behind them, huge against the sky, could be seen the top of the Great Pyramid, a monstrous thing eight hundred feet tall with a towering bronze harpy at its top.
“The harpy is a craven thing,” Daario Naharis said when he saw it. “She has a woman’s heart and a chicken’s legs. Small wonder her sons hide behind their walls.”
But the hero did not hide. He rode out the city gates, armored in scales of copper and jet and mounted upon a white charger whose striped pink-and-white barding matched the silk cloak flowing from the hero’s shoulders. The lance he bore was fourteen feet long, swirled in pink and white, and his hair was shaped and teased and lacquered into two great curling ram’s horns. Back and forth he rode beneath the walls of multicolored bricks, challenging the besiegers to send a champion forth to meet him in single combat. (ASOS Daenerys V)
That's a problem that I have with how they adapted ASOS Daenerys V. The chapter can be divided in a list of four parts, which goes like this:
How Dany deals with Meereen's champion (this happens in episode 4.3)
Discussions on how to take Meereen (this never happens in the show)
Dany's thoughts on/flashbacks with Daario and Jorah (this more or less happens in episode 4.1; some are show only inventions)
Dany a) meeting her children and Mero and b) finding out the truth about her knights (a never happens; b happens in episodes 3.1 for show!Barristan and 4.8 for show!Jorah)
Despite being a chapter jam-packed with action and drama, the show adaptation diluted its impact by 1) fragmenting it, 2) overfocusing on certain parts over others, 3) creating new (and often unnecessary) scenes and 4) displaying its events out of the intended sequence. Problems 1-3 were already present in the adaptation of Dany's first four ASOS chapters, but I'd argue problem 4 is more serious in ASOS Daenerys V.
In the case of this particular scene, again, because it takes place before show!Dany reaches Meereen (and because the show writers never understood reasons 1 and 2 of why Dany's storyline matters), we don't get to see how her problems with the Meereenese slavers' culture are tied to their practice of slavery. This, unfortunately, is another case of the show undermining Dany's characterization from page to screen.
*
DAENERYS: You were told to ride at the back of the train.
DAARIO: Yes, My Queen. But I need to speak to you about something important. A matter of strategy.
MISSANDEI: Your Grace.
DAENERYS: All right, what is this matter of strategy?
DAARIO: A dusk rose.
DAENERYS: Would you like to walk at the back of the train instead of riding?
DAARIO: And this one’s called lady’s lace.
DAENERYS: Would you like to walk without shoes?
DAARIO: You have to know a land to rule it. Its plants, its rivers, its roads, its people. Dusk rose tea eases fever. Everyone in Meereen knows that. Especially the slaves who have to make the tea. If you want them to follow you, you have to become a part of their world.
DAARIO: Strategy. Harpy’s Gold. No tea from this one. Beautiful but poisonous.
DAENERYS: You are a gambler, aren’t you?
DAARIO: Your Grace.
This exchange is adapted from this part of ASOS Daenerys V:
On the road from Yunkai, Daario had brought her a flower or a sprig of some plant every evening when he made his report ... to help her learn the land, he said. Waspwillow, dusky roses, wild mint, lady’s lace, daggerleaf, broom, prickly ben, harpy’s gold ... (ASOS Daenerys V)
I have some problems with it, though. The first is that they have show!Daario tell show!Dany that she has "to know a land to rule it". In the books, at this point in time, Dany does not have any intention to stay and rule Meereen because she thinks that abolishing slavery was enough on its own; she only changes her mind after seeing the aftermath of the sack of Meereen, hearing news of Astapor (where her council was deposed and slavery is being reinstalled by a former slave named Cleon) and Yunkai (which was rumored to be making alliances with sellswords to defeat her) and understanding that her anti-slavery measures can be easily undone if she leaves so soon. Additionally, I dislike that they chose to only adapt a (veeery brief) scene from the chapter where she's shown to lack knowledge. Why not also adapt, for example, the scene in which she chooses Belwas to fight for her against Meereen's champion and we get to see her whole line of reasoning for doing so? That they even added the detail (that isn't in the books) about how a ruler should have knowledge of the region (which show!Dany doesn't yet) only adds salt to the wound, since it subtly indicates that the show writers themselves find her ineffective as a ruler when she certainly isn't.
The second problem is that show!Dany's feelings for show!Daario are not that clear onscreen in comparison to what we get in the books:
Dany found herself stealing looks at the Tyroshi when her captains came to council, and sometimes at night she remembered the way his gold tooth glittered when he smiled. That, and his eyes. His bright blue eyes. On the road from Yunkai, Daario had brought her a flower or a sprig of some plant every evening when he made his report ... to help her learn the land, he said. Waspwillow, dusky roses, wild mint, lady’s lace, daggerleaf, broom, prickly ben, harpy’s gold ... He tried to spare me the sight of the dead children too. He should not have done that, but he meant it kindly. And Daario Naharis made her laugh, which Ser Jorah never did.
Dany tried to imagine what it would be like if she allowed Daario to kiss her, the way Jorah had kissed her on the ship. The thought was exciting and disturbing, both at once. It is too great a risk. The Tyroshi sellsword was not a good man, no one needed to tell her that. Under the smiles and the jests he was dangerous, even cruel. Sallor and Prendahl had woken one morning as his partners; that very night he’d given her their heads. Khal Drogo could be cruel as well, and there was never a man more dangerous. She had come to love him all the same. Could I love Daario? What would it mean, if I took him into my bed? Would that make him one of the heads of the dragon? Ser Jorah would be angry, she knew, but he was the one who’d said she had to take two husbands. Perhaps I should marry them both and be done with it. (ASOS Daenerys V)
As one can see, Dany's crush on Daario is significant for highlighting a) how Dany is a romantic person who associates sexual attraction with love and marriage (hence why she compares Daario with her first husband) and b) how her feelings for Daario are tied to her desire to find a home or, in this case, someone who she can rely on (hence why she remembers the prophecy of the three heads of the dragon when she thinks of him).
It was particularly important to display her crush onscreen because of what happens later in ADWD. Unlike what certain people think, Dany's dilemma between Daario and Hizdahr doesn't just represent the choices that she needs to make as a ruler (war or peace), it also illustrates the clash between her main motivations, home and duty: Daario is the former (what Dany wants for herself) and Hizdahr is the latter (what Dany thinks she must do for her people).
Unfortunately, this doesn't come across in the show. To be fair, at least we get to see show!Dany shyly smiling here, but this will be undermined later. In episode 4.7, show!Daario will say:
DAARIO: Never met a woman who didn’t like wildflowers.
In episode 5.7, this is how show!Dany will answer to show!Daario's marriage proposal:
DAENERYS: Even if I wanted to do such an inadvisable thing, I couldn’t.
Then, in episode 6.10, this is what she tells show!Tyrion after rejecting show!Daario:
DAENERYS: Do you know what frightens me? I said farewell to a man who loves me. A man I thought I cared for. And I felt nothing.
I wouldn't be surprised if the show writers made these changes because they a) are among the readers who think that Dany is unlikable/irresponsible when she expresses her romantic feelings for Daario in the books (whereas I happen to think that that makes her more relatable) and b) wanted her to appear more regal (based on their ideas of what that means, of course) in the show because she's older, but, regardless of why they did so, this is quite a problem: if show!Dany isn't in love with show!Daario, her conflict becomes much less pronounced in comparison to her book counterpart's (which, as we'll see later as the show progresses, it did).
*
JORAH: There’s one on every mile marker between here and Meereen.
DAENERYS: How many miles are there between here and Meereen?
JORAH: One-hundred and sixty three, Your Grace.
BARRISTAN: I’ll tell our men to ride ahead and bury them. You don’t need to see this.
DAENERYS: You will do no such thing. I will see each and every one of their faces. Remove her collar before you bury her.
This is my favorite moment of the episode because it's a major example of how Dany's leadership style is defined by her desire to protect the ones who can't protect themselves (which applies to both book and show versions). Now that she wields power, she won't remain passive when she sees injustices occur, in fact, she'll want to confront them in order to remember why is it that she's fighting:
“I will see them,” she said. “I will see every one, and count them, and look upon their faces. And I will remember.”
By the time they came to Meereen sitting on the salt coast beside her river, the count stood at one hundred and sixty-three. I will have this city, Dany pledged to herself once more. (ASOS Daenerys VI)
Being a queen is not about self-gratification for Dany, it's about her responsibility and duty towards others, which is what this scene ultimately reinforces.
That being said, there are still some problems with the scene.
One, while the scene on its own does illustrate the kind of ruler (and person) that show!Dany is regardless of what the show writers were intending, I think that their primary intention was to provide shock value with the sight of the dead children (which is also the most likely reason as to why they succeeded in depicting how horrific the Unsullied's training was). If they had intended the scene to showcase show!Dany's selfless motivations like in the books, they wouldn't have later stated that her war in Slaver's Bay was defined by "that willingness to go forth and conquer all your enemies" or by how "she's not seeing the cost" (failure to understand reasons 1, 2 and 5 of why Dany's storyline matters). Unlike them, Dany knows that some wars are morally righteous because there are cases in which the status quo is not worthy of being uphold, especially not one that allows children to be murdered without their killers being punished (which also informs her views on Robert, his supporters and the Baratheon regime in general).
Two, the show leaves out the fact that, in the books, the Meereenese slavers burned their own city's lands in order to prepare for Dany's arrival:
The Great Masters of Meereen had withdrawn before Dany’s advance, harvesting all they could and burning what they could not harvest. Scorched fields and poisoned wells had greeted her at every hand. (ASOS Daenerys V)
This is important for two major reasons.
One, it raises the stakes of the conflict in the moment. If Dany continues to besiege the city for too long, her people will starve. If she gives up on conquering Meereen, on the other hand, not only slavery will remain, but her people will die of starvation on the way back to Westeros. If she wants to protect the freedmen that followed her, then, her only choice is to take Meereen.
Dany set great store by Ser Jorah’s counsel, but to leave Meereen untouched was more than she could stomach. She could not forget the children on their posts, the birds tearing at their entrails, their skinny arms pointing up the coast road. “Ser Jorah, you say we have no food left. If I march west, how can I feed my freedmen?”
“You can’t. I am sorry, Khaleesi. They must feed themselves or starve. Many and more will die along the march, yes. That will be hard, but there is no way to save them. We need to put this scorched earth well behind us.”
Dany had left a trail of corpses behind her when she crossed the red waste. It was a sight she never meant to see again. “No,” she said. “I will not march my people off to die.” My children. (ASOS Daenerys V)
~
When she looked over one shoulder, there it stood, the afternoon sun blazing off the bronze harpy atop the Great Pyramid. Inside Meereen the slavers would soon be reclining in their fringed tokars to feast on lamb and olives, unborn puppies, honeyed dormice and other such delicacies, whilst outside her children went hungry. A sudden wild anger filled her. I will bring you down, she swore. (ASOS Daenerys V)
Two, it raises the stakes of the conflict in ADWD. By scorching the fields, the slavers deprived Meereen of one of its main sources of income: olives. Now the city's economy is stagnant because it has neither olives nor slaves (because, as we know, Dany abolished slavery) to sell:
For centuries Meereen and her sister cities Yunkai and Astapor had been the linchpins of the slave trade, the place where Dothraki khals and the corsairs of the Basilisk Isles sold their captives and the rest of the world came to buy. Without slaves, Meereen had little to offer traders. Copper was plentiful in the Ghiscari hills, but the metal was not as valuable as it had been when bronze ruled the world. The cedars that had once grown tall along the coast grew no more, felled by the axes of the Old Empire or consumed by dragonfire when Ghis made war against Valyria. Once the trees had gone, the soil baked beneath the hot sun and blew away in thick red clouds. (ADWD Daenerys III)
~
“The sea provides all the salt that Qarth requires, but I would gladly take as many olives as you cared to sell me. Olive oil as well.”
“I have none to offer. The slavers burned the trees.” Olives had been grown along the shores of Slaver’s Bay for centuries; but the Meereenese had put their ancient groves to the torch as Dany’s host advanced on them, leaving her to cross a blackened wasteland. “We are replanting, but it takes seven years before an olive tree begins to bear, and thirty years before it can truly be called productive.” (ADWD Daenerys III)
However, because the show didn't bother to depict how the slavers destroyed their own city's fields, we don't get to see neither a) how it becomes harder for Dany to sustain a siege (and how conquering Meereen became her only choice if she wanted not only to free the slaves, but also to protect the freedmen that came with her) nor b) how, later, she struggles with reforming the city's economy (which is one of the many ways that the show adaptation undermined her political arc in ADWD).
*
For this review, there’s no comment of mine on any Inside the Episode because D&D’s Inside the Episode 4.1 doesn’t talk about show!Dany’s storyline. I’m not commenting on show!Dany’s clothes either because she’s wearing the same clothes from season three and I’ve talked about them before in past reviews.
#daenerys targaryen#asoiaf meta#asoiaf vs got#asos vs got#daario naharis#grey worm#rylona rhee#barristan selmy#s4#a storm of swords#a dance with dragons
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“Love, hope, compassion...This is what people say monster SOULs are made of. But the absolute nature of “SOUL” is unknown. After all, humans have proven their SOULs don’t need these things to exist.”
Ever since I played UNDERTALE, this one line has probably stood out to me the most, simply because it covers an issue most of the fandom seems to overlook. In response to the gameplay and its story, we tend to label monsters as good and humans as bad. We follow the story that we’re told: There was a war, humans won and trapped monsters in the Underground, Asriel was killed by humans, and seven human SOULS are needed to escape. We view the Player or Chara--depending on your view--as an ultimate evil for killing monsters through the various resets. However, what I rarely see discussed--beyond Asgore’s order to kill children from a small portion of people--is the monsters’ state of morality.
We hear it all the time and see it in this very line: “Monsters are made of compassion.” It seems to be treated as a statement of fact, but I see it as propaganda. By saying monsters are made of love and compassion, but that humans “don’t need these things to exist,” that’s placing humans as a whole as an “other,” enforcing their position as “the enemy.” And somehow... this never gets called out.
We can see why a monster would say this because of the war, Barrier, and Chara’s and Asriel’s deaths. However, how would that excuse their own calls for genocide? I won’t go into depth about Asgore here since he does show regret/reluctance for his call to slaughter humanity and we as an audience can interpret that--while his actions may not be in the right--we understand it was done in a moment of grief and pure rage. You know who doesn’t get an excuse like that? Monsters like Bratty and Catty, who cheer with a smile about how they’re “so hyped for the destruction of humanity” up until they actually realize what a human is from meeting you. In fact, most of the monsters can’t seem to recognize you as a human, from them to those retelling Asriel’s story and claiming “you’ll be free” with the rest of them while, in truth, you--as Frisk--are potentially walking to your death.
Now, you might argue, “Well, they suffered as a kingdom because of the war and from losing their future rulers. And if some of them don’t know what a human is, then it can be easy for them to label an unknown as an ultimate evil based on limited knowledge.” Ok then... so why are some of them cruel to each other? Would someone you’d describe as “compassionate” do the following:
Bully others, such as Loox, Loox’s own targets, and Gryftrot.
Allow Papyrus to feel isolated and self-conscious despite his obvious attempts to fit in and make friends, all while befriending Sans--someone who does everything possible to make his brother feel loved and accepted, and makes a point to encourage others to give him a chance--in mass.
Act “rude and loud” and “beat up everybody who gets in their way” (Undyne, according to the Red Bird NPC... who she also says the kids look up for just those reasons. I don’t entirely believe her, because of our own interactions with Undyne showing that she’s pretty cool beyond her disdain for humanity, just a little on the pushy side; however, she also attacked Asgore as a child just to prove herself and even described herself as a “hotheaded kid,” so I won’t entirely dismiss this comment either.)
Undyne is also known to fight “bad guys,” according to Monster Kid, and since MK didn’t even know Frisk was a human at first and insisted they watch her go fight them anyway, that hints that, yes, there are bad monsters that need some force to stop: This is not a strictly peaceful society.
Try to take your soul just to go to the Surface himself (Mettaton) for the sake of being a star--delaying a second war, but also leaving everyone in the entire Underground to suffer even longer because the Barrier wouldn’t get destroyed. (Nevermind that he’d have every opportunity to speak out against the war if that was one of his main reasons because of his monopoly on the Underground’s entertainment and his massive influence.)
Don’t get me wrong: I love all of these characters. They’re well-written and the fact we can recognize their flaws and still care for them is perfect. It also is a great fit to the game’s message! I just wish it went both ways.
Do me a favor and also think of things from Frisk’s perfective--as a character, not you as the Player enjoying the game. You’re trapped in this place where not only is just about everyone trying to kill you, but they actually succeed! Repeatedly! You are forced to experience death in a multitude of ways “over, and over, and over!” And you’re a child! Most people would break under that kind of severe physical and mental torture--but sure, let’s give characters like Sans a pass when they threaten you, even if you’ve only even done one route as a Pacifist, all while criticizing Frisk/Chara for their actions. The power to RESET may be insanely strong---it gives them a second chance at life--but it’s also a curse when they get to repeat that pain.
And for my last point... If most all humans were really so viscous, don’t you think it would’ve been more effective to slaughter monsterkind when they were all pinned in one place, making it as easy as shooting fish in a barrel? Or, in the very least, demanding they hand over their strongest for execution so that the rest could live even if in confinement? Wars don’t “suddenly happen without warning” as the echo flowers painted the initial human attack as, especially not when two groups have lived together for any length of time as we’re led to believe from the story. What sparks the war may seem sudden, but there’s often a build-up of tension behind it. For a irl comparison, take WWI: The assassination of Archduke Ferdinand is commonly seen as the spark, but it was also the alliances and rivalries between different nations that had been brewing for years which rallied everyone into such a huge conflict. Humans were already afraid of monsters for the ability to take souls and for equally murderous intent (as evidenced when they assumed Asriel had killed Chara). It’s not like that power was a rumor made to spread fear: Monsters confess to it themselves in their history. Therefore, we can conclude that, in all likelihood, some monsters did this well before the war even began--helping establish a conflict between their two kinds well before the war.
Sure, I have no doubt that there are awful humans in the world of UNDERTALE. I would never argue against that! Monsters, however... aren’t all exactly the “compassionate” beings some of them would like to paint themselves as.
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how's everyone in bitter snow feel about the justice system in Corona? also how are the guards in bitter snow, how do these people treat their positions as guards?
okay anon you said “everyone” so like
gonna talk specifically about all the character’s perceptions right now, as of chapter 9, because a lot of these feelings evolve over the course of benighted and also the rest of the series 👍
major characters!
cassandra!
she is well aware of the harshness of the system. her own birth parents were executed for their crimes—we’ll get more into that later >:)—and given who her father is and what her aspirations are, she knows some of the more unsavory details about what guard work can mean. there is a part of her that is… uncomfortable with this, but she rationalizes it as a discomfort related to feeling like she’s trapped in the shadow of the (very serious) crimes for which her parents were executed. she has very much drunk the kool-aid that all of this stuff is correct and just because it’s only being done To Criminals, who of course are not like regular people, who must be protected From Criminals (like her parents, there’s this whole nasty feedback loop of self-disgust going on with this).
she also very much has her dad on a pedestal and doesn’t want to think badly about anything he does, and she wants to make him proud, and in her mind making him proud = succeeding as a guard. so that’s another huge thing tilting her in favor of the coronan justice system.
rapunzel!
i don’t think rapunzel has quite made the connection between the existence of the king’s watch and what they actually do, which is arrest people and feed them into the horrible justice system. she knows that eugene was arrested and nearly hanged, and she doesn’t feel good about that, but she also has not been exposed to this system as a… daily thing with a wider scope than simply being something eugene escaped from. she has a very particular kind of self-centered naivety where it is still hard for her to grasp that people… exist, outside of her life, almost like a lack of object permanence where the concept of Other People is concerned? because she grew up in a tower with nobody but gothel. she’s beginning to develop inklings of this, but it’s not there yet, and with frederic and everyone in the palace actively trying to shelter her from the more upsetting pieces of palace life still, she’s still kind of navigating around obstacles that she can’t see in order to get there.
anyway all of which is to say she’s laboring under the impression that everything in corona is hunky dory. still very much in the homecoming honeymoon phase.
eugene!
eugene is in this weird transitional place where he, by his own actions in the last chapter, has been rather rudely shocked out of his own complacency and now he’s looking around at all the luxuries and privileges he has been granted purely by virtue of being the guy who happened to bring rapunzel home and he’s going: oh. oh i didn’t earn any of this actually.
he knows exactly what corona is like. if you’re a thief in this world you know not to get arrested in corona. and he did get arrested in corona and he came very close to losing his life because of it. for a while there, i think he just fully embraced his pardon and decided to live it up because, well, why not, it’s what he deserves after a lifetime of hard living and fighting to survive… but fundamentally, he’s not an asshole even if he is sometimes an ass, and the more he lets go of the flynn rider persona the more his natural empathy reasserts itself. right now, his focus is on being better for rapunzel, but i think he sort of has in the back of his mind how very, very lucky he got in his brush with the coronan justice system and that inclines him to at least feel… dubious about becoming a cog in it.
lance!
he’s sort of similar to eugene, in that he has this criminal background and he knows exactly what sort of reputation corona has in the criminal world… but there’s also this element of, he’s sort of… adjacent to law enforcement now. thief-takers are sort of like private investigators and sort of like bounty hunters, and they exist in the weird margin between law enforcement and criminal activity and lance has this very personal experience of having been sort of… invited into that space as an opportunity to reform his ways, and that worked for him.
i think he and eugene could probably have a really interesting conversation not too far down the line about how they got out of the thieving business and became better people and ways that could be applied on a broader scale versus just chucking everyone in prison, which i imagine tends to be the default not just in corona but in most countries in this region. lance sees his experiences helping victims of theft as intrinsically linked to his personal decision to never steal again, whereas eugene reformed because rapunzel, specifically, treated him with compassion and dignity. put those two things together and you have a decent platform for a restorative approach to criminal justice.
varian!
varian is a kid. he has no clue about anything but his alchemy lol. i think he probably has a lot of romanticized notions of adventurous thieves in the vein of flynn rider and is accustomed to seeing guards/watchmen as The Enemy through that lens, but he has very very little actual real world experience with either and to him it all has this aura of fiction. it’s something that happens To Other People, not to him.
caine!
caine saw the coronan justice system tear her family apart when she was nine years old, over a petty theft her father committed to feed his starving family. also, she’s saporian, so she has this extra pile of cultural grudges against corona in addition to this personal trauma. she hates corona, and unlike in canon—where the narrative need to make everything About Rapunzel demanded that her motivations be dumbed down—she puts the blame for what happened to her squarely where it belongs, on king frederic’s crackdown and the system backing it. though she’s not a separatist herself, she’s perfectly happy to work with them to attack corona, and she sees her piracy as… sort of a campaign against corona and its allies? in that she targets mostly trading vessels belonging to the seven kingdoms and has definitely liberated coronan prison barges in the past.
as far as she’s concerned corona can just burn. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ up saporia
sirin!
…honestly you’d be hard pressed to find anybody who hates coronan justice more than sirin does because [spoilers lol]. she keeps it on a very tight lock, because she is a pragmatist first and foremost and she isn’t interested in expending her rage on a doomed cause. when she acts on her hatred, she wants it to matter. and she’s also a leader, with a lot of vulnerable people relying on her to keep them safe, so she can’t just lash out the way she might want to if she had no other obligations. so she’s cultivated this very cold, very methodical anger and is proceeding with her plan very carefully but also, definitely enjoyed getting her hands bloody in the prologue.
assorted secondary and minor characters (just the ones i feel like talking about, rip to everyone else)
commander peter!
it is peter’s job to enforce the coronan justice system. fundamentally, he has to agree with it. i think he has this ideal of what justice should be in the back of his mind and he sees all the ways that coronan justice doesn’t line up, and he’s trying his best to close those gaps while working from within the system. he cares very intently about his country and its people, and he firmly believes that he’s working to keep everybody safe—even if it comes at the cost of this harsh, sometimes unfair system.
as part of this, he keeps very high standards of conduct for his watchmen. abuses of power do happen—peter can’t always be watching every single man in his force, and while he ostensibly commands the city watches in the rest of corona’s city’s too, in practice his influence tapers off outside of herzingen simply because of distance—but he tries to stamp them out as best he can.
(there’s definitely a big range within the king’s watch itself vis a vis how the guards approach their work. i think, taken on average, they... are cops. their job is to enforce the system first and foremost and they wouldn’t get into that career if they didn’t believe in it; some try to be more compassionate about it than others and some are just in it for the authority but they’re all... working to serve the system.)
arianna!
she’s both a foreigner originally—she was born and raised in eldora, one of corona’s neighbors—and very well traveled, so she has seen a lot of other models of justice in action and this leads to her taking a dim view of the way corona handles things. i think she and frederic probably have a lot of heated arguments about his crackdown in particular, and it’s one of the biggest points of contention in their marriage. she does often succeed in being a moderating voice, and i imagine she is a vocal proponent for reform not just in corona but in the seven kingdoms generally, but unfortunately she has no real authority in corona (because frederic is the monarch, not her) so her influence in this regard is limited.
frederic!
in contrast to arianna, frederic i think truly believes that cracking down harder on crime is the only way to make it go away. he’s thinking about how a criminal in a jail cell is a criminal who isn’t out on the streets hurting people, rather than thinking about where these criminals are coming from in the first place. he listens to arianna—and to ludolf and peter, who are other moderating voices in this regard—but he also has a very hard time stepping out of this mindset of “we just need to take the bad people and put them somewhere else so the good people will be safe.” in a way, i think he has a very similar mindset to rapunzel in that they both tend to engage in black-and-white thinking, but where rapunzel sees only the good parts of the world, frederic tends to see things in the most bleak light possible.
gilbert!
gilbert is a career military guy in a kingdom with no standing army during a time of peace. this… absolutely has an impact on his approach to domestic justice, and in particular he takes the attitude that criminals and dissidents are The Enemy. he feeds into frederic’s worst impulses and fears because in his mind, frederic is too cowardly to do what must be done to quash The Threat. i think… like frederic a lot of this ultimately comes from a desire to keep corona safe, he’s just jumped fully overboard into not considering the “wrong” sort of coronan part of the country he wants to protect. and then him seeing everything through this military lens is fuel on that fire.
ludolf!
he’s a champion of compassion. he hates the existence of the prison barges and the gallows, but i think he also does not have much in the way of actionable alternatives; he’s has this kind of idealized, almost rapunzel-esque idea that if they just apply a little faith and goodwill then the problems can be solved (and this tends to weaken his stance politically, because he runs into the “well then what do you propose we do” problem; he works best in tandem with someone like arianna or peter, both of whom are details people who can come up with real solutions).
quirin!
having been… sort of? the closest thing aphelion had to law enforcement back in the day, i think he has strong opinions on corona’s system—namely that it’s all wrong—but he keeps them to himself because he’s not one to talk about the past in general and he’s also well aware that in corona, he’s just some peasant and his opinions aren’t wanted. mostly, he tries to keep his head down, keep himself and his kid out of trouble, and focus on preserving the simple life he has constructed for himself.
(in aphelion, i think criminality was dealt with through the moonstone cult—this decayed somewhat over the course of the dedication, as aphelionese people lost their strong connection with the moonstone, but the basic philosophy still remained, and the basic philosophy was “work to understand the root of the problem, then shine the light of truth and understanding on it until the problem reveals its solution”)
adira!
adira very much thinks coronans are all a bit nuts and unlike quirin is not at all shy about voicing this thought when it happens to come up on the rare occasion that she stops being a vagrant long enough to talk to somebody. but that doesn’t happen very often. mostly she’s been too focused on searching for the sundrop and fixing the moonstone to care much about what corona does with its criminals, but also if she were directly asked she’d be like “were you trying to create a criminal assembly line? because that’s what you did” lol
nigel!
i think nigel is a very fearful person in general but this also wars with a degree of practicality. the notion of criminals frightens him but he can also recognize that many people turn to crime out of desperation or fear, and he has a tough time navigating this dissonance. on the whole i think he’d tend to lean toward whoever argued the most reasonably on any specific subject where coronan justice is concerned, which in practice means he ends up aligned with peter a lot—he respects peter’s authoritative experience in dealing with criminals, and peter tends toward this reasonable-sounding, incremental reform approach to the system that speaks to both nigel’s fearfulness and his practical side.
feldspar!
he’s in kind of an uncomfortable situation, in that he is saporian but i don’t think he is particularly open about that fact and would really prefer his coronan neighbors not… know about it. because being saporian, he has a clearer view of how the coronan justice system disadvantages his people and how the crackdown landed especially hard on saporia. i think he lives in perpetual anxiety over the possibility of getting in trouble or being accused of a crime and having his whole life destroyed as a result. also with his friendship with cass, there’s definitely a part of him that wants to just. shake her. until she wakes up to the injustices being done; but he’s far too anxious to actually do something like that so whenever she starts going on about being a guard he’s just kinda like :|
xavier!
as the royal blacksmith and thus supplier of the weapons and armor used by the king’s watch, he has this closeness to the law enforcement side of it that definitely biases him a bit in favor of them; they’re one of his primary customers and biggest sources of business. but also, he’s a very intelligent, very well-read person, and i feel like he spent some time traveling in his youth, so he’s in a similar boat to arianna where he knows for a fact that this is not the only or the best way to do things and he could probably be coaxed into a lengthy conversation about it with the right questions.
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i didn’t know i was a p h o e n i x TILL I LEARNED HOW TO S P E A K
𝖖 𝖚 𝖔 𝖙 𝖊 𝖘
"Without losing a piece of me, how do i get to heaven? Without changing a piece of me, how do I get to heaven? So if I’m losing a piece of me, maybe I don’t want heaven.” — Troye Sivan, Heaven
“She had a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach, like when you’re swimming and you want to put your feet down on something solid, but the water’s deeper than you think and there’s nothing there.” — Julia Gregson
“The worst thing in the world next to anarchy, is government.” — Henry Ward Beecher
“I’ve left my fingerprints somewhere. And that’s good enough. And I am my own person. And that’s good enough. And… I stand my ground. And that’s good enough.” — Morrissey
𝖇 𝖆 𝖘 𝖎 𝖈
NAME: Emmeline Glenys Vance NICKNAMES: Emme, Em, Vance AGE: Twenty Two BIRTHDAY: 10 September 1957 GENDER: Cis Female PRONOUNS: She/Her SEXUALITY: Homosexual ETHNICITY: English, Welsh, Chinese
𝖋 𝖆 𝖒 𝖎 𝖑 𝖞
MOTHER: Jìngyi ‘Jenny’ Vance, née Ling (44) FATHER: Raymond Thomas Vance (46) SIBLINGS: Charles Vance (23), Margaret Vance (20)
𝖕 𝖍 𝖞 𝖘 𝖎 𝖈 𝖆 𝖑 𝖆𝖙𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖇𝖚𝖙𝖊𝖘
FACE CLAIM: Chloe Bennet BUILD: Naturally slim, of average height. Several years of training have lent an athletic edge to her body. Solid bone structure, thin but not waiflike. HAIR: Shoulder length, thick, and wavy. Typically pulled back off her face in some way or other. Often twisted up with her wand which backfires when she is forced to pull her wand and her hair comes falling around her face. HAIR COLOR: Dark brown. EYE COLOR: Typically brown, nearly black when she’s upset or angry but lighter when the sun is bright or her mood is up. SKIN COLOR: Beige with warm undertones. DOMINANT HAND: Right. ANOMALIES: Broken nails from years spent biting or picking at them. A scar on her hairline on the right side of her forehead from where she fell when she was eight and cracked her head on the coffee table in the living room. Various minor scars from several years with the Order. SCENT: Honey and lilac from her shampoo, a touch of something floral if she’s decided to put on perfume which is rare and reserved for the most special of occasions. ACCENT: RP but with traces of welsh from years listening and speaking with her dad who is from Cardiff. ALLERGIES: Pollen and blueberries. DISORDERS: Mild anxiety triggered in the last several years by the worsening war FASHION: Leans to muggle fashion, typical late 70′s clothing. Bell bottoms, high waisted jeans, crop tops, the occasional leather jacket, over sized men’s shirts paired with leggings. She prefers pants to skirts as often as possible. NERVOUS TICS: Biting and picking at her nails, toying with any jewelry she may be wearing, usually a necklace, twirling hair at the base of her neck or from her ponytail. In general her hands are usually fidgeting in someway, she has a hard time keeping them still. QUIRKS: She doesn’t like silence and sometimes will hum to herself if there is no other sound just to fill the empty air, she almost always sits with her legs pulled up either under or in front of her.
𝖑 𝖎 𝖋 𝖊 𝖘 𝖙 𝖞 𝖑 𝖊
RESIDES: Plainview Point BORN: Cardiff, where her parents lived in the earliest years of their marriage before moving to a village just outside London. RAISED: Shere, a village in Surrey, about an hour southwest of London. PETS: Persimmon aka Persy, a ginger cat she met in an alley near St. Mungo’s who took a liking to her after she shared her turkey sandwich one day and followed her home.
CAREER: Healer, specializing in spell inflicted damage and working on the fourth floor of St. Mungo’s. EXPERIENCE: Member of the Potions club in her fifth through seventh years at Hogwarts. OWLS and NEWTS in Charms, Potions, Herbology, and Defense Against the Dark Arts. Entered the Healer training program upon graduation from Hogwarts, rotating through each floor and specialization at St. Mungo’s before choosing to specialize in spell-inflicted damage. EMPLOYER: St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries
POLITICAL AFFILIATION: Order of the Phoenix BELIEFS: Equality, in all shapes and forms. Being a muggleborn, a woman, the daughter of an immigrant, and a lesbian have given her a unique viewpoint into so many of the ways that society is stacked against certain people. She does not have a strong religious or spirtual practice or belief but adds it to the list of things she believes people should be allowed to choose and practice without judgment or intercession. MISDEMEANORS: Breaking curfew, pilfering from the potion supply closet in school and a little bit from the hospital when it’s not something she can get at the apothecary FELONIES: None on the record, only in service of the Order DRUGS: Marijuana, both inhaled and ingested. Girlfriend makes a hell of a pot brownie. SMOKES: Marijuana, yes. Cigarettes, no. ALCOHOL: Beer mostly, the occasional whiskey when someone else is in charge of choosing it. Never wine or cocktails. Too sweet for her taste. DIET: Mostly simple meals, usually with a bit of a Chinese foundation. Rice as a staple, a lot of stir fry because it’s simply and quick and can be made in large quantities to last her for many days or to feed a multitude of people.
LANGUAGES: English, Welsh, Mandarin
PHOBIAS: Fire, losing those she loves and being left alone. HOBBIES: Brewing potions, listening and collecting muggle music TRAITS: { + }: compassionate, self-assured, determined, hard working, pragmatic { - }: blunt, ineloquent, inflexible, stubborn, temperamental
𝖋 𝖆 𝖛 𝖔 𝖗 𝖎 𝖙 𝖊 𝖘
LOCATION: Her flat. She’s turned it into a haven with couches you can sink into, nooks where she can curl up, candles and warm smells, even a fireplace she and Persy like to lie in front of until they fall asleep on the poufs she has as extra seating. SPORTS TEAM: Chelsea Football Club, Holyhead Harpies (football first and then quidditch) GAME: Rummy, card games in general MUSIC: Muggle rock and punk - Queen, David Bowie, Blondie, The Clash MOVIES: Star Wars, The Godfather (just the first one), Superman, The Exorcist FOOD: Chinese food but actual Chinese food like her mother makes, not what you can get in the shops. Not that that’s bad - it’s just not her favorite. BEVERAGE: Chocolate Milk. Yes she knows she is a child. COLOR: Deep gold.
𝖒 𝖆 𝖌 𝖎 𝖈
ALUMNI HOUSE: Hufflepuff WAND (length, flexibility, wood, & core): 9 ¼ inches, ash, phoenix feather core, slightly springy. The saying goes that ash wands are stubborn but it isn’t the arrogant or crass type of stubborn that attracts this wood. It is drawn to a person whose beliefs are held strongly in their mind and deeply in their heart. Combined with a core of phoenix feather and it’s slightly springy nature, Emmeline’s wand is particularly loyal and becomes finnicky in the hands of anyone other than it’s owner. AMORTENTIA: Fresh baked pastries, cinnamon, twilight air in the summer PATRONUS: Brown Bear - social creatures who find strength in sharing resources and who are known for their protective instincts. Bears are also closely associated with healing in some cultures. BOGGART: Darkness. The kind of darkness that envelops your senses. Instead of becoming stronger, it dulls each sense so you cannot see but you also cannot hear or feel or smell. You are isolated, alone, helpless. Seconds become eternities as you seek any anchor to hold on to to pull yourself back to the world.
𝖈 𝖍 𝖆 𝖗 𝖆 𝖈 𝖙 𝖊 𝖗
MORAL ALIGNMENT: Neutral Good MBTI: ENFJ-A (Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging, Assertive) MBTI ROLE: The Protaganist ENNEAGRAM: Type 2 ENNEAGRAM ROLE: The Helper TEMPERAMENT: Sanguine WESTERN ZODIAC: Virgo
Virgos are always paying attention to the smallest details and their deep sense of humanity makes them one of the most careful signs of the zodiac. This will lead to a strong character, but one that prefers conservative, well-organized things and a lot of practicality in their everyday life. These individuals have an organized life, and even when they let go to chaos, their goals and dreams still have strictly defined borders in their mind. Their need to serve others makes them feel good as caregivers, on a clear mission to help.
CHINESE ZODIAC: Rooster
Roosters are smart, charming, witty, honest, blunt, capable, talented, brave, and self-reliant. They are known for their ability to do astounding things with extremely limited resources. Their way is always right (in their mind, at least), and they love to debate their stance. Roosters are extremely sociable and bask in attention and praise.
PRIMAL SIGN: Corgi
Loyal, observant, and analytical, those born under the Primal Zodiac sign of the Corgi are devoted friends and family members who take on the role of caretaker with great passion. Few others are as eager to jump in and help a friend in need, and Corgis take great pride in this. More so than other signs, members of this sign like to fill a very specific role in the lives of other people, thus getting the majority of their own personal fulfillment through their service to others.
TAROT CARD: Justice
The Justice Tarot card has to do with moral sensitivity and that which gives rise to empathy, compassion, and a sense of fairness. Since the time of Solomon, this image has represented a standard for the humane and fair-minded treatment of other beings. This card reminds us to be careful to attend to important details. It's a mistake to overlook or minimize anything where this card is concerned.
SONGS: coming soon, i suck at this
IDEOLOGIES: Doesn’t believe in wallowing or living in the past. Mistakes get made and bad things happen and the only way to get past it all is to pick yourself up and keep on walking.
Tea over coffee. Fight her about it. Get yourself some black tea if you need the caffeine.
There is exactly nothing that can’t be made better by a dance party around the flat with the music so loud that you can’t hear your own thoughts anymore.
There is no excuse for inequality. People are people and the only way to get through this life is to care about the people inhabiting the world around you. Most common thought - “I don’t know how to explain to you that you should care about other people.”
#she's a burden on society | aesthetic#dulcetask#this took me a solid six hours#blessings on you if you read the whole thing
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&. → FEMALE : MELISA PAMUK : DIZZY BY MISSIO — is that NIKOLA AYDIN wandering through Briar Creek? They’ve only been here for ONE MONTH and word around the town claims that the 28/29-year-old VAMPIRE is known to be LOGICAL and SELF DESTRUCTIVE They can be found at BRIAR CREEK UNIVERSITY as a SCIENCE PROFESSOR. With them being ON THEIR OWN, it’s only a matter of time before blood is shed. // ( rory ● 18+ ● cdt ● they/he )
( this is a sideblog to rhys’ account ( huntrs ) asks, follows, etc. will be through there !! )
❝ ------how do you just come back from being dead ? ❞
❛❛ aesthetic . ❜❜ ― ◜ ❏ . ― a gnawing hunger that burns your throat, skin raw from scrubbing away the traces, bloody tears, reaching for a hand only to miss it. ― ✎penned by rory .
basic ▸
full name: nikola “ niko “ aydin
age: twenty eight physically, twenty nine as of a month ago.
date of birth: feburary 28th, 1991
occupation: science professor at the local university.
species: vampire ( newly turned )
language(s) spoken: english, some turkish & latin.
hair color: black
eye color: brown
notable scars or tattoos: none, any she had before have healed.
interior ▸
2 positive traits: logical, compassionate.
2 negative traits: self destructive, fearful.
likes: sitting curled up with a book, reading scientific journals & studies from past colleagues or in general those she looks up to, problem solving, morning runs / watching the sun rise ( although it’s much harder now. )
dislikes: hurting others, being a vampire ??, being alone for too long, helpelessness, extravagant events.
habits: biting lips in thought, tapping fingertips against table, not feeding until it’s almost unbearable, trying to push through on her own.
family ▸
father: alive, believes she’s dead, compelled to believe she’s at peace.
mother: alive, believes she’s dead, compelled to believe she’s at peace.
Bio ▸
niko died with vampire blood in her system after trying to save one of her students from aforementioned vampire. her heroics got her killed, ultimately the vampire compelled officials that niko had died alongside her student. it was a closed casket funeral, niko watched from the sidelines & what a surreal experience that was.
for one so timid in life, in death she was ravenous, the vampire that turned her wasn’t particularly old either & she ended up over - powering & killing them after they force fed her human blood. more tactics rather than sheer strength, but she took what she needed & fled.
that was around three months ago, for the next two she’d move at night, odd end jobs & trying to put together pieces of the supernatural world. she knows vaguely about werewolves, some information on vampires although it’s been more self - experimenting than anything.
feeding has been an issue for her, her compassion in life was intensified in death. that being said her self restraint is better than that of a vampire her age usually, but is something she struggles deeply with still.
has been pushing herself to limits there, eats when absolutely necessary, primarily trying to feed off animals now although in the beginning she’d compel & take blood from blood banks very guiltily.
she had just started to believe she was getting the hang of this whole thing --- up until she lost control & killed someone for the first time. niko remembers their name, their face with extreme clarity. it was what made her run far --- all the way to briarcreek after overhearing talk.
it’s taken her almost a month of living here to actually get out, she applied for & got the position of a science professor at the university, teaching classes primarily at night.
she’s as freaked out as can be, doesn’t trust herself, feels all alone ( & really, she is. everyone who used to know her believes wholeheartedly that she’s dead. ) absolutely terrified of her own abilities, her worst nightmare quite literally is killing someone again.
incredibly smart, sweet & compassionate. niko’s always had a passion for life, for learning, figuring out how the world works & her change has essentially destroyed every bit of truth she held dear.
desperately wants to be around people again but terrified of what she might do, frankly !! any faith she had in herself has completely diminished after she killed last month.
does not currently have a daylight ring, in fact, has no idea they exist, only has heard of witches in passing. i’ll give my left leg for someone to help her obtain a daylight ring, she misses the sun so much. quite literally watches it from a safe distance away.
being intimate now ? scares the fuck out of her, she doesn’t know her own strength or what to do if someone gets close again.
i have so many wc ideas so please hit me up to plot !!
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Fave Fandom and Ships
in answer to an ask from weeks ago, sorry
Fave Fandom and Ships
001 Fandom Discovery
Least favorite character – when MU Lorca fully revealed himself a villainous villainous man [stomping that guy’s face – really?! Diatribe against alien races? Ugh]. I HATED what the writers did with Lorca. Emperor Georgiou also hits the stereotypical notes, since she doesn’t have a mustache she twirls cooked ganglia instead, and she’s also been given the Villain Trope of being bisexual – because [gasp!] “what could be worse” [this trope is on display in many shows and movies]. Yeah, we get it, she uses every. body.
5 Fave Ships – Prime Lorca/Cornwell; MU Lorca/PU Burnham; Stamets/Culber; Tilly/Tyler, I really don’t have any others. While Tyler/Burnham was well-acted, I didn’t really feel it except in the moment at the end of “Into the Forest I Go”
Character I find most attractive – ummm GABRIEL LORCA
Character I would marry – Prime Lorca [In my headcanon he’s a really decent guy – as I write in my BlackQat Katriel fics. [Although he can be stubborn as fuck, and when captaining his ship he’s pretty much like MU Lorca in temperament, using a tad bit of sarcasm here and there. He’s a little salty, but damned good and his crew would follow him through hell because he’s loyal to them.]
Character I would be best friends with – Katrina Cornwell. I hope I’d be good friends with her, she is so levelheaded and [headcanon] kind and compassionate, and probably encourages her friends. [You don’t become a psychiatrist because you’re unsympathetic toward, or uninterested in, people.] Runners-up, Sylvia Tilly, because she’s effervescent and a good friend to people.
A random thought – I so want Cornwell to find and rescue Prime Lorca. [Headcanon] Prime’s been busting his ass trying to help the rebels in the MU, and succeeding in large part since the Emperor’s departure. Maybe Cornwell has to make a devil’s bargain with Section 31 to get over there … [story in progress, grin]
An unpopular opinion – Burnham was RIGHT and Georgiou was wrong. The Shenzhou should’ve given the Klingons “The Vulcan Hello.” It might have shocked the Klingons and sent them to regroup. OTOH it may have just resulted in …The Battle at the Binary Stars … anyway. So either a win/lose or a lose/lose, and since the latter happened, it would’ve been worth a try for result #1.
My Canon OTP – Prime Lorca and Cornwell. Though it’s not REALLY established in canon as a romance. I hope it will be. I’d love to see them on Risa or somewhere together and get into an adventure while Discovery’s on a subplot adventure. Or they could be the subplot adventure. I DON’T CARE I JUST WISH I COULD SEE THEM TOGETHER
My non-canon OTP – MU Lorca and Burnham. If only he’d been fighting a just revolution for the rights of all races. Michael may even have joined him, for a time, and returned to the Prime Universe, say, after helping MU Lorca institute a better government after the Emperor’s death. OH WELL.
Most badass character – Tossup between Michael Burnham and Kat Cornwell on the female side both BAFs, and Lorca is a BAF.
Most epic villain - Emperor Georgiou. Farming and eating Kelpiens, honest to god. Killing how many, like 10 people in her throne room because she couldn’t trust them to remain quiet? Blowing up the rebel base, well yuh, I guess that’s to be expected. Quite the opposite of her kind Prime counterpart.
Runner-Up: Kol. He’s a mean Klingon, even by Klingon standards!
Pairing I am not a fan of – Tyler and Burnham, not so much. Something about it seemed a lit-tle forced, and I can’t say what. The actors did a lovely job, but I didn’t see the chemistry that was so obvious between Lorca and Burnham and Lorca and Cornwell.
And this is totally personal and y’all knock yourselves out and enjoy them, but I’m not a big fan of slash pairings in general, i.e., “making a gay couple out of a sisterly or brotherly canon pair of friends.” It’s just not my thing and I know people love to do this because of many personal or fannish reasons, like more representation, and y’all have fun with it. It is a really big thing now. But … I ship Prime Cornwell/Lorca and it isn’t yet established as canon (any more than Kirk/Spock) that they’re a canon OTP, so …
… take my “slash” statement with a grain of salt. What you want is what you want and what I want is what I want, and in fandom we can have All The Things.
I love Stamets and Culber and I love that they are a canon gay OTP. [Stamets is great because he’s a salty scientist and a BAF (“as I’ve explained to you, Captain”)(injecting himself with tardigrade DNA to save “Ripper” and get the spore drive on line, and Culber is a warm fuzzy person with medical brilliance and compassion, kind of like Dr Crusher in TNG. Don’t make the mistake of underestimating him.]
Character I feel the writers screwed up one way or another – Tyler got it the worst. Couldn’t he have just been a human with Voq’s memories implanted? Jesus, they had to CHOP UP VOQ? At least give me a reason for that. Maybe because L’Rell’s beliefs said Voq would die if his body died? But noooo, no reason is given, and gratuitous bloody surgery scenes are there just [it seems to me] for shock value.
Lorca got fucked over [by the writers] the second he killed that guy outside the Agony Booth – he might could have been redeemed by leading a revolution for just causes.
Also Prime Georgiou. See elsewhere.
And Culber. What could be a worse screwup than killing a character for shock value?
Fave friendship - Burnham and Tilly
Character I most identify with – I am a lot like Tilly in the sense that I can be insecure and unsure and talk wayyy too much. As an older woman I also identify with Cornwell [and love her age-appropriate relationship with (Prime) Lorca, and I hope they’re more than just occasional fuck buddies.] In temperament I also identify with Salty!Lorca or CompassionateCulber or SaltyStamets.
Character I wish I could be – Cornwell or Burnham. Cornwell because she’s brilliant and capable, a psychiatrist, and a BAF Starfleet Admiral … being defiant and fighting L’Rell; with its attendant risks; Burnham because she’s also incredibly brilliant and capable and a BAF herself. Beaming onto the Sarcophagus to plant the sensors? Fighting Kol? I mean dayum.
002
Ships – Cornwell/Lorca [my OTP]; Burnham/Lorca
When I started shipping them – I think when she said, “Gabriel, why don’t you fix your damn eyes.”
[And Burnham/Lorca, when I read LadyFangs’ stories including “Human Nature,” then co-wrote “Human Nature II” with her.]
My thoughts – Headcanon: they didn’t meet till after Lorca graduated the Academy; Cornwell is four years older than he, and is a fully certified M.D. Psychiatrist [12 years] and comes to the Academy Officer Candidate School, which teaches candidates about the service and its history; Federation history as it relates to Starfleet; what it is to be an officer, not a civilian, and basic SERE training, working out, leadership. Kat graduates with a commission as a Lieutenant. My headcanon is that she and Gabriel actually meet when they each come to SFA for Command Training School. Kat has decided she wants to enter the command track after serving as counselor for a year or so on a Starbase. She’s heard from patients how bad upper leadership leads to a lot of poor decisions in the field, and she feels she can make a positive contribution in this area. More thoughts in my fanfiction at BlackQat on AO3.
What makes me happy about them – They are an age-appropriate couple!! This is pret-ty rare in TV and movies. I note that some actors do seek to have age-appropriate co-stars Cornwell is beautiful, but not a fresh-faced 25-y/o, and sexy Lorca finds her sexy, and yay, there’s hope for women my age, I’m so glad, and that’s why I ship them and write them.
What makes me sad about them – that MU Lorca fucked Cornwell in more than one sense of the word. Bastard! And, that now she feels “my Gabriel is dead.” I really started shipping pretty hard when she said that, and I really hope Season 2 brings us some canon Katriel “more than fuckbuddies” subplots or references.
Things done in fanfic that annoy me – Please, writers, I’m beggin’ ya, PLEASE proofread or have a Beta proof your story. I don’t spend much time on things that aren’t proofed and beta’d. I get too distracted from the story because I’m an editor.
If you love slash don’t read this paragraph which is strictly my opinion – It really annoys me when slash shippers tag their stories as het, then turn it into slash. This is stealthy and uncalled for. When slash shippers try to get hits on their stories by, say, tagging it as Spock/Uhura and then having Uhura “generously step out of the way because she realizes Spock has never really been into her, he’s really into Kirk,” blah blah blah, just so the author’s real OTP [not tagged], K/S, can be the OTP in the story. Feh! Just be honest and tag it as slash.
Things I look for in a fanfic – QUALITY WRITING, good proofreading, and BELIEVABLE CHARACTER PSYCHOLOGY. Also staying fairly true to the characters, maybe pushing the limits, but not too much. [I like to write angsty private Lorca—and the character, so far, is pretty much not so angsty [that was MU Lorca]—yet I still write him as an efficient, sometimes salty captain on the job. [In his private reflections and relationships, though, sometimes, angst.]
I also really love it when an author writes a Trek-like plot, with exploration, a little world-building, or a battle scenario, or alien interactions [something I don’t manage to do that often]. I love romance and angst, occasional fluff, and always, always, a good happy ending or at least a believable and decent resolution for the characters. I don’t like downer endings, but sometimes they’re realistic.
My wishlist – A canon romance for Cornwell and Prime Lorca! But first, FIND PRIME LORCA. He’s fighting alongside the rebels in the MU. He comes back to Prime Uni with Acute Stress Disorder or PTSD. Kat recommends a counselor and checks in with Gabriel to see how it’s going, but not poke her nose into his actual therapy, because that’s not the done thing. Slowly they progress to resume their romance.
Also let’s have another CBSAA series about Pike’s Enterprise. [I know that’s not what you asked.]
Who I’d be comfortable with [my OTP] ending up with, if not each other – Lorca, with Burnham. Cornwell, with … hmmm … unless we go over into cross-over country I just don’t know. Dr. McCoy of AU Trek maybe?
My happily ever after for my OTP – a long-distance romance, occasional meetings on Starbases or Risa or other planets; passionate discussions about Starfleet policy over coffee; passionate other moments [wink-wink-nudge-nudge], shirtless Lorca ;^), followed eventually by retirement somewhere where they can have fun outdoors. I think they’d be hikers and sailors and really dig nature and space travel to many planets.
003. Character
[Ask: Philippa Georgiou]
How I feel about her – the writers gave her a raw deal at the Binary Stars, though she fought like a boss when she fought with T’Kuvma. If only Burnham’s entire subsequent story arc hadn’t depended on her mutiny against a fairly reasonable captain. If only Georgiou had opened with the Vulcan Hello per Burnham’s suggestion and opened negotiations from there. Or discovered the Klingons didn’t want to negotiate, and left the system to regroup with a group of Starfleet ships. OH WELL. Now she’s dead, and that’s really too bad, because she was a good nurturer to Michael. She did let Burnham and Saru bitch at each other too much; I’d have told those two to take it off the Bridge. They were being unprofessional.
Any/all people I ship romantically with her Hmmm. She was a bit of a cipher so far as that went. I feel like she has an old friend / lover she goes on shore leave with. Hetero or bi/pan? IDK. Not sure if she’d have a long-term fully committed relationship; I think she is mother to her crew and that takes much of her emotional energy, but she could’ve been like I hope Gabriel will be and have had a long-distance romance. We have not met a lot of people her age in Discovery except Lorca, Cornwell, and the admirals at Headquarters, and sadly, Georgiou is no more, so the point seems moot.
My fave non-romantic rel for this character – other than “mothering” Michael Burnham, we don’t see a lot of this either. Some fanfic writers have Philippa as Gabriel and Katrina’s Academy classmate, an idea that I really like, although in my fic, she and Katrina are the same age and Gabriel’s a bit younger. [In my headcanon Philippa’s an Academy grad and proceeds straight from there; Kat’s a practicing psychiatrist who goes to Officer Candidate School, getting her commission as a Lieutenant, then straight on to Command Training School – where she meets Lorca and they fall in love.]
My unpopular opinion about this character – she should have listened to Michael and prevented the Battle at the Binary Stars. But could The Vulcan Hello have prevented it? Who knows. The writers had their plans. Alas Philippa paid the price :^( … she need not have died; the fallout from Burnham’s mutiny could have made for some sparks between them before Burnham went off for sentencing, and Michael could have been equally heartbroken that she had sundered her friendship for a battle prevention tactic.
One thing I wish had happened with the chac in canon – That she had listened to Michael. The Klingons might still have fought, but I feel Burnham was right with the Vulcan Hello and would have set the Klingons back a bit. [Shrug] But then there would have been no Lorca rescuing Burnham, no episodes 3 – 15, so … there we are. As I said above, she could have lived.
Favorite friendship for this character – Her friendship with Michael was not one of equals exactly, seeing as their ranks differ greatly. But I like the idea in some fics that she, Lorca and Cornwell are friendly.
My crossover ship – Haha, again, I’ve no idea, I don’t tend to think in those terms. Romantically? Matt Decker, before he lost his crew, got ASD and gave his life heroically to stop the Doomsday Machine, maybe. Or a stellar cartographer.
#fandom and ships#admiral katrina cornwell#captain gabriel lorca#captain philippa georgiou#star trek discovery
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Do you think it was wrong of Anika to have forgiven Shivaay for all the crap he pulled on her in the early days? Also on that note do you think it's possible to love someone despite not having forgiven them? (still resenting their previous actions)
Hi anon!
Oooooof, a loaded question! But a very intriguing one that I’m glad you asked. I’m always for getting well-crafted, interesting questions that delve into emotional analysis. So thank you!
If you ask me, forgiveness is never “wrong”. Holding on to resentment and negative feelings and simmering in them only makes your OWN mental state worse, and rarely ever affects the one who did you wrong. As someone who rarely ever forgives (#scorpio), I believe it takes a very great and compassionate person to be able to forgive wrongdoing against you. It takes reserves of emotional strength (that I personally find unimaginable as a pettyass self-preserver.) But it’s always up to the person who has been offended to decide what they can forgive and what they cannot. Different people have different limits, and I cannot speak to another person’s decision to go ahead and forgive what I personally would not.
In the case of Anika (and TV heroines in general) it is not that they FORGIVE that is objectionable. It’s that they forgive without having a proper conversation about it, setting up future expectations from the relationship, and that they put their own mental/emotional health on the line in REPEATEDLY forgiving. The problem with forgiveness is that it tends to quickly slide a slippery slope into unhealthy relationship PATTERNS that subsist. The offender thinks that since they have been forgiven once, what they did really must not be as hurtful, and they tend to repeat it (often subconsciously.) On the other hand, the victim often becomes habituated to whatever unhealthy action it is and tends to brush it off, rationalizing that if they survived it once, they could surely withstand it again, especially since the relationship would bear the cost of not forgiving.The problem with Anika is that her forgiveness is always implicit: Shivaay repeatedly transgresses because perhaps subconsciously he knows that Anika WILL forgive him, just like she did all those other times. And true to nature, she does. Every single time. Make no mistake, I am not implying that Anika is wrong to keep forgiving him or DESERVES to be treated this way; Shivaay is always the one in the wrong to keep repeating his mistakes and breaking her trust. But somewhere there is a frustration that comes of seeing a person who we love (whether it be a fictional character, or someone IRL) refusing to put THEMSELVES and their wellbeing first, because they love their offender/cannot imagine life without this relationship (which to objective outsiders, is explicitly unhealthy.) Women in general, and especially in desi society, are raised in society to just “bear” a lot of things and navigate life AROUND stressors that should make us rightfully angry and raise our voices against; and it’s maddening to see Tellywood reiterate that message with their programming, that “preserving a marriage” matters more than anything else, even one of the partner’s emotional health.
I would say how Gauri approached her situation is an ideal way to handle it. There’s being understanding and forgiving, which as an empathetic person, she tried A LOT in face of all the trauma and tough times that Omkara was facing continuously. But once he crossed a line, she decides to do the right thing for her own emotional health and remove herself from an incredibly unhealthy relationship. It does not mean that she does not still love him. She still does, as is obvious from the KarwaChauth fast that she keeps for him. But it isn’t until Omkara shows proper regret and uses his speaking words in properly expressing that regret (as opposed to Shivaay, whose apologies have always come across as trite and flimsy to me) that Gauri does decide to commit to the relationship again. I have always appreciated that Gauri as a character, repeatedly chooses to preserve herself and take time and put some distance whenever the relationship goes south and deal with her feelings on her own; as opposed to Anika, who never ever thinks about herself, and whose whole life seems to revolve around Shivaay and his family and their constant, never-ending demands on her mental/emotional (and oftentimes, physical) health.
Yes, I definitely think it’s possible to love someone despite not forgiving them and resenting their hurtful actions. An example of this is a lot of people’s relationships with their parents. We as a generation, are more aware than everthat many of our parents have irreparably fucked with our mental wellbeing; mostly unintentionally. But still, we choose to love them, have relationships with them, and largely forgive them; recognizing that they were a product of their times and circumstances, and most of them did their best they could at the time in raising us.
I think what’s most important is to make a choice whether the presence of the one who hurt us adds to our lives, enriching it with love and compassion and overall happiness, or takes away from it by being a constant dark cloud above us, draining us of energy on a daily basis. What matters most is that a person choose their own emotional wellbeing, and if need be, distance themselves from the offender. Love, and other feelings of attachment, can then be worked on healthily from a distance as well, and if we choose to, can eventually fade away until it isn’t the all-consuming maddening force that it feels like at the moment. But a person needs to MAKE THE CHOICE and put themselves first, because no one else can do it for them.
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The Hypocrisy of Dehumanising the Sociopath
When your friends talk about their brushes with the elusive sociopath, be they talking about an ex, or former boss, or schoolmate, or doctor, or whatever, listen to how they describe them (Let’s not get into the examples of behaviour they cite for a moment, I’m going to leave that bit ‘til last [he left me! he fired me! she bullied me! he patronised me! - that nonsense, the diagnosis of sociopath handed out from the scorned to the scorner, as if it were that simple, ugh] ugh). Let us really examine how they choose the words they gleefully use to describe the alleged sociopath’s behaviours, their movements. We hear cold, distant, something-not-quite-right, but soon enough in the conversation we begin to hear the words alien, animal, robot, replicant ― inhuman.
You hear it in popular culture too, those true crime documentaries where the sociopath is described as having a limited range of emotions, he or she can only really feel fear, hate, anger, vengeance. Like a caveman. I find myself surprised to hear experts and anecdotalists alike openly pontificate on the inhumanity of the psycho, even the nonviolent ones, I tend to wonder how far advanced we really are from phrenology, and am just waiting for a criminology MA from some backwater polytechnic to unironically remark that psychopaths have strong jaws, and disturbingly uneven head-shapes. Psychiatrists et al are trussing themselves up in their best tweed and appearing on cable networks and talking deadly seriously about the cold eyes of the murderous psychopath - there was nothing behind the eyes - this one has always baffled me. What the fuck do you think you can see behind anyone’s eyes you dumb fuck? They’re EYES. If you tell someone over and over again you have been told you smile with your eyes, people will come to believe it, because it’s a false concept. Any time a glint hits your iris, the person you hammered to death with your fucking horseshit eyes theory will be beaten into submission enough to think “aren’t her eyes sunny! No wonder EVERYONE IN THE WORLD, APPARENTLY thinks so”. In the same vein, if you tell everyone that psychopaths are dead behind the eyes, they’re going to believe you. Cold eyes - whatever that means. Dead eyes - I’ve seen dead eyes, they seemed eerily alive. Because they’re eyes. Not magical windows to the fucking soul, as if you still believe that at your age. The eyes, though, the unfeeling cold glare that bathes the prey with discomfort. It becomes a diagnostic tool. You remember the eyes. Sorry, rant. We hear about the snake of a CEO who heartlessly fired scores of loyal workers without warning, and outsourced the work overseas where it was ever so slightly cheaper, and on reflection, the employees, with bittersweet hindsight, will recall that he did always seem… off. Like, who knows, maybe a reptile, maybe a machine, a predator with old blood coagulating at his jawline, framing his perfect, sharp teeth (almost TOO perfect), matting up his rough, inhuman fur.
But they never said that at the time. And why?
Because sociopaths are human, and that’s an unpalatable truth that you need to get the fuck on board with. The reason you didn’t realise they were inhuman is because, shocker, they’re not inhuman. Like you, they are a real person. And if that is hard for you to admit, have a sit down with yourself and check in with your compass.
There’s nothing about a sociopath that is lacking in humanity, whatever that means. When a sociopath is born, it’s not like they’ve been implanted with a microchip that eats up their human compassion and replaces it with startling, ruthless efficiency. You need to learn that the sociopath in your life very well loves you, and is loved, is happy, has family, is charitable even. When you think you’ve identified the sociopath in your life, you’ve probably got it wrong. Imagine you find yourself with two close friends:
1. Joe
Joe is in his mid-twenties, from a relatively wealthy family, is not unattractive and has a lucrative career as a photographer for models, often young and attractive models he gets paid princely sums to photograph and later fuck. He doesn’t ever stop talking about all the money and sex he gets. He doesn’t ever stop talking about his amazing life. Sometimes he opens up about the fact he struggles with anxiety and panic attacks, and he wants your sympathy. He dresses up as recently outed sexual predators for Halloween. He jokes about his dead family members. He takes without giving. Every time you see him, he’s got a new story.
2. Jane
Jane is in her early twenties, from modest but not necessarily poor upbringings. She would class herself as ordinary looking, and she’s totally fine with that. She never was the social butterfly but never an outcast either, and she’s an excellent listener, she will sit and listen for hours as you talk about everything bad that ever happened to you, and she will pass you cups of hot tea and support your ideas. She really cares, she almost feels like a well-kept secret, because she doesn’t tend to socialise and you’re convinced that if she did, everyone would love her, But she’s not interested in that. She doesn’t really want anything emotional from you. She’s like a blank canvas. You paint all over her.
I think you know where this is going - Jane is the sociopath. Joe is too flashy and open, he’s too much of a braggart and a loudmouth. He’s making no efforts to assimilate, he’s pushing people away with loud, obnoxious behaviour and hasn’t the self-awareness to adapt. He relishes in his extroversion and is a social animal who takes nourishment from being near others. And he’s going to blow it all, because he’s not got that process active in his brain, that tells him how to be all things to all people. Joe is all things to himself.
Jane is blending in, and she makes herself look unsensational because she’s the kind of sociopath who wants to go largely unseen. Acceptable, but unremarkable. It’s not important to Jane that she be described as stunning, or beautiful. It’s trivial. She takes on your problems because the concept of heavy emotional labour that is impossible to put down doesn’t tend to apply to other people, carrying the weight of everyone else’s sadnesses isn’t a burden, it’s barely an inconvenience, it’s capital. She knows everything about you. Everything everything. Stuff your girlfriend doesn’t even know. You’ve told her secrets and she’s let you believe that your lives are totally comparable. She’s told you hers too, she’s opened up trust. But it’s nothing you could ever use against her. She lives without shame. She’s an open book and she’s hiding in plain sight. You can’t blackmail Jane should she choose to use your sensitive information against you. You think she’s told you everything, but really, she’s told you nothing. Jane knows you inside out. You have no clue at all who Jane is.
But really, who would you rather be friends with? Think about your answer carefully. Think about it again.
This is great information, right? You feel like you’re learning something. And I’m happy to write it, but I’m smiling to myself because the irony of deeply studying a sociopath and learning them through the lens of your own empathy, as if this were an invaluable and indispensable tool of survival, and then moments later decrying the sociopath for, well, studying everyone else, as if it were an invaluable and indispensable tool of survival - is beautiful irony. But I don’t mean to say that technically we’re all the same, because we’re not. Sociopaths exist and empaths somehow get by on the other side of the coin. But it’s starting to seem a lot like we’re all in this together. So how comes we’re not?
It all comes down to motive. And if the motive is well-hidden, it looks the same as everyone else’s transgressions. If an empath performs a selfish act, maybe he sleeps with his wife’s best friend, if he is seen to be displaying real remorse, shame, guilt, upon discovery, he may be in with a second chance. But the sociopath too will display remorse, shame, etc - only it isn’t real. But it looks exactly the same. Is that not good enough? Do you really think that the empath really gave a shit about how awful he felt? He still did it. Whether you can mournfully reflect and regret or not, you still did that shitty thing, and you’ll do it again but cover your tracks better this time. You can be a sociopath or not, at some point, you’re going to do supremely self-serving things without caring a single bit about how that affects anyone around you. Bad behaviour does not only exist within sociopathy, and having limited empathetic capabilities and behaving as such seems very callous indeed, but having full empathetic functioning and compassionate reasoning and choosing to betray that complete system in order to meet a passion or want, seems a lot more inhuman to me.
A quick summary about psychopaths this time (there is a difference, but I’m not going to explain it, it takes literally seconds to google). A lot of times when people are hurt by bad people, they like to fancy that the bad person was a psychopath, that they’re in fact wounded and broken. This is the only time anyone will ever express empathy and compassion to a potential psychopath - when it serves them. It’s fine to describe the sociopath as inhuman, animal, or reptile, to tell people they were even cold to the touch; this distancing is a symptom of fear, and nobody is forcing you to give a fuck about the MONSTERS who don’t give a fuck about you (yes, even you, no matter how sweet and kind you are!). But if you are capable of seeing the sociopath as a deeply fractured and troubled individual AFTER they’ve already hurt you, you need to ask yourself what’s behind that display of apparently selfless sincerity. Why do you only give that compassion when it directly affects you? Why can you only care, if that care means the only reason anyone would ever be cruel or hateful to you is because they’re painfully disordered, wounded, troubled? The worst thing is, readers, that more often than not, the assumed psychopath IS NOT EVEN A GODDAMN PSYCHOPATH. So it gets even murkier. You can’t appropriate the disorder belonging to those you happily and openly dehumanise and apply it to someone who abused you in order to convince yourself you’re too likeable to ever face actual cruelty. We all know that’s wrong. Because cruelty carried out by a psychopath isn’t any more cruel than the cruelty carried out by an empath. Not to me, at least. You don’t get to play doctor like that.
Besides, come on, taking your abuser and then loving their abuse only when you can apply a bastardised clinical label to it is fucked up. You can’t romanticise and dehumanise at the same time you mad bastard.
I mean, you’d never catch me doing that. And - don’t tell anyone, because I never tell people this and I’m really letting you in, here, because I trust you, and I love you - I’m a real life sociopath.
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Why are there so many MGIT fics that have their MGITs paired with Solas? He's an emotionally abusive racist with a superiority complex, yet so many in the fandom find him attractive. He barely registers Dalish as elves so he wouldn't find human MGITs attractive or even consider them real people. So why do so many of you want to pair off with him? It wouldn't be a healthy relationship, even if you end up as an elf. Can you shed some light?
First, I want to say that I’m extremely sorry for how long it took me to answer this.
I had so many directions I wanted to take when answering your question, Anon (far too many, really). I started and stopped many times in a separate word doc, trying to address this in as complete a manner as I could.
But I had too much to say, real life responsibilities got in the way, and suddenly it had been so long that my brain went yikes and shoved it in the back of my thoughts, ever present but easier to skip over.
So I’m going to give this a new shot and hope that my tardiness hasn’t soured you on the whole Asking process because I do love answering questions and opening topics for discussion.
[Disclaimer: The following is an expression of my own opinion, based on my experiences and perception. I will try to present it in an unbiased manner, but I am human and entirely fallible.]
There are so many MGIT stories with Solas in the main pairing because, to put it simply, he is a fascinating character. (Note: I say fascinating, not morally infallible or intrinsically superior to the other characters).
He is an intelligent, compassionate character who offers a refreshing perspective toward mages, the Fade, and spirits. From the very beginning, he proves to be a font of knowledge for the Inquisitor. He appreciates inquisitiveness and self-examination in a way that is scarcely seen elsewhere.
And yet.
For all his open-mindedness, he can be exceedingly narrow in his views once he has reached a conclusion (i.e. the Dalish, other elves, etc.). He has made mistakes. Catastrophic ones. He believes the ends justify the means in his quest to “correct” his past mistakes. Worse still, he has the knowledge and power to deliver.
And this, all of this just makes him so fascinating. To see what could drive an intelligent, compassionate person to such terrible lengths, to see the limits of such compassion when “the Greater Good” is at stake.
His character is interesting and flawed, repentant even as he manipulates and schemes. A hero and a villain in turns.
But perhaps I’m getting sidetracked. This isn’t about proving why Solas is interesting or dissecting his flaws. That would be another post entirely. This is about why so many of the MGIT writers and their Modern Characters are interested in Solas.
So, let’s take a look at who Solas is:
someone who is from another time
someone who possesses and withholds knowledge about the world, magic, and etc.
someone who struggles with the relative ignorance of the people around him (ex: magic, spirits, ancient Elven society, etc.)
someone who struggles with feeling more “real” than the people around him
someone who attains a position of power/rank in the Inquisition as a valued source of knowledge
someone who uses hidden knowledge to alter events
Now, who else does this sound like?
The Modern Character in Thedas.
Think about it: this trope, particularly when anchored in the Inquisition timeline, tends to feature these key elements:
the Modern Character is from another world/time
the Modern Character has played the Dragon Age games and withholds knowledge about in-game events (and other characters)
the Modern Character struggles with the relative ignorance of the people around her (ex: racism, sexism, unsanitary practices, primitive technology)
the Modern Character struggles with feeling more “real” than the people around her, in the sense that she is often painfully aware that Dragon Age and the people therein are constructs of a game or potentially figments of her imagination in a coma-induced dream
the Modern Character attains a position of power/rank in the Inquisition, usually as the Inquisitor herself or as a valued adviser
the Modern Character uses their foreknowledge to alter events
Barring some exceptions, Foreknowledge and how one uses it, is one of the biggest themes in the Modern Character in Thedas trope.
Using foreknowledge to alter events, however good the intentions, is a form of manipulation. Every choice is but a ripple in a greater wave. Inaction is a choice in itself, so even if the Modern Character refrains from actively altering events, they can still be held accountable for “allowing” events to proceed unimpeded.
These are real struggles that both the Modern Character and Solas face as people who possess world-changing knowledge and the ability to spark change.
“When you can do the things that I can, but you don’t…and then the bad things happen, they happen because of you.” -Peter Parker
Does this ability always yield altruistic superheroes like Peter Parker here? No. With great power comes great responsibility, not necessarily good choices or a moral compass.
So why is this important?
Because with so much power, forced to hide their origins in a new world that fears and often hates the different, the magical, how alone would the Modern Character feel?
Who else could understand what it’s like to bear that kind of burden? Who else might be willing to even entertain the idea of another world/reality, much less accept someone so different?
Solas.
The Modern Character is playing chess on a whole other board than the rest of Thedas, but so is Solas.
It’s not the same, of course. But it’s enough. Enough to help the Modern Character not feel so alone.
And if that’s not enough, consider this: if you were stuck in another world, desperate to find a way home, who might just have the means to help you?
Phew. That was long-winded.
Now for your questions about attraction!
“He barely registers Dalish as elves so he wouldn’t find human MGITs attractive or even consider them real people. So why do so many of you want to pair off with him?”
It is my understanding that one of the main reasons (if not the only reason) Solas is both gender and race-gated in the game is due to time constraints. His romance was written in the span of a weekend, late in the development of the game. It is easier and less time consuming to write and animate a romance for one specific gender/race (i.e. female/elf), especially for a last minute addition.
There aren’t any moments during in-game dialogue wherein which Solas displays a genuine romantic or sexual preference for a particular gender or race. The flirt options simply aren’t there when the player isn’t a female elf.
This is important to note because this is not the case for the other characters’ romances. Both Dorian and Sera express a genuine romantic/sexual preference for one gender. You have the option to flirt with both Dorian and Cassandra as a female. They both turn you down. You have the option to flirt with both Sera and Cullen as a male. They both turn you down. Cullen, who is also race-gated, will turn down a female-dwarf.
So, in the absence of in-game dialogue that denotes an actual preference, it isn’t unreasonable to think he might not have one.
And thus, it is entirely possible that Solas would find a human from another world romantically and/or sexually attractive.
On the Subject of Realness:
Solas’s perception of “realness” is relative to the people of Thedas.
[And here we get a little meta]
He considers the people in the present canon to be less real, due to the fact that his actions in his original timeline (the canon’s past) had, in part, caused the current worldstate, which he views as not only a mistake, but a mistake he’s going to rectify.
The people of Thedas, in the present canon, are less real to him because he likely has plans to revert the world back to a previous state, thus erasing the people in the current timeline (much like the Inquisitor does with the Red Lyrium future in the “In Hushed Whispers” quest).
So! Since the Modern Character isn’t a native to Thedas, that perception of “unrealness” doesn’t really apply to them. In fact, in some ways, Solas might even perceive them as more real, if not just as real as himself.
“It wouldn’t be a healthy relationship, even if you end up as an elf.”
How healthy or unhealthy a relationship is depends entirely upon the characters themselves and the way they’re written/portrayed. There’s nothing intrinsically unhealthy about the pairing of the Modern Character and Solas.
Now, if Solas or the Modern Character are depicted as emotionally and/or physically abusive to the other, then you’d be right, it wouldn’t be a healthy relationship.
Not because of who they are, but because of their behavior.
So, to sum up–because I have rambled so much here, wow–
Why are there so many Modern Character/Solas stories?
because Solas is a fascinating, flawed character
because Solas’s experience makes him relatable to the Modern Character
because Solas could make a good ally for an Otherworlder
because arbitrary game mechanics shouldn’t dictate a character’s love life
because “realness” is relative
because the pairing of Solas and a human isn’t inherently unhealthy
And the bonus: Because the Solas romance was extremely popular among Dragon Age gamers, and many of those gamers set out to write a story
And there we have it. The end of a long-winded spiel from me.
I hope I kept things relatively objective. I appreciate dissecting characters’ motives and exploring their flaws, even when I love them.
You can love or hate Solas (or something in between) and still note his flaws…as well as recognize his more redeeming qualities.
And always remember: to love a character is not to condone all their actions.
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7 Self-Care Strategies at Work
If it feels like you spend more time working than ever, you probably do — and you’re not alone.
A 2014 Gallup poll notes that American full-time workers logged an average of 47 hours per week; those connected digitally to their offices often worked even longer. A report commissioned by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation in 2012 found that public-school teachers typically work 53 hours per week. And factory workers frequently put in 12-hour days.
Another study indicates that 52 percent of U.S. workers didn’t take all their paid vacation days in the previous year, leaving an average of more than a week unused; 23 percent did not take a vacation at all.
Meanwhile, inflation-adjusted wages have remained essentially flat since 1978, while the portion of workers with employer-provided health insurance (from their own job or a family member’s) fell from 77 percent in 1980 to 69 percent in 2013.
“Productivity increases have only led to average hours worked per week creeping up and up,” says workplace-trends analyst John de Graaf, editor of Take Back Your Time. This suggests that real wages — in terms of hourly remuneration — are declining.
It’s not surprising, then, that many employees feel burned out. A 2017 Gallup poll reveals that more than half of the full-time workers surveyed admitted they were “not engaged” at work, paying only partial attention in the place where they spend the most time, while 16 percent reported being “actively disengaged.”
What’s going on?
“There are a couple of issues here, and one of them is money pressure,” says financial educator and advocate Ruth Hayden. “Worrying about money makes work so much more stressful and unhealthy.
“The other is the work itself — the pressure on people to perform. I keep hearing how hard everyone is working, how they’re feeling like they have a job and a half.”
Most of us are familiar with the increasing pressure of the always-on workplace, where the workday and workweek never really end. This skewed balance often leaves us frazzled and unfulfilled.
“If you were to design a workplace reflecting all the stuff we know about how the brain works, it wouldn’t look anything like today’s open-plan, distraction-amplifying spaces,” says Alex Soojung-Kim Pang, author of Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less.
As for the hours we work, Pang says this: “Americans have a long history of valuing overwork. One of the ways to get ahead is to simply outwork everybody else.”
While none of us can single-handedly change the rules or the culture, we can revise how we relate to them. The following strategies can help you take care of your health and spirit on the job.
Bring Your Body to Work
When a workplace culture encourages long hours and competition, taking breaks to move and eat quality food throughout the day may not feel like a priority. Yet meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg, author of Real Happiness at Work, stresses the importance of listening to our bodies, whether we’re loading boxes or spending long hours at a desk.
“The human body is not designed to expend energy continuously,” explains Salzberg. “Our bodies regularly tell us to take a break, but we often override these signals and counter our fatigue with stimulants, including coffee, sugar, and so on.”
“People assume that being ‘knowledge workers’ means we have to interact with a screen all day, and that our bodies don’t matter, and that every moment of the day is like every other,” adds Pang. “None of this is true. There are biological rhythms to attention and creativity, and we are more productive if we recognize and work with them.”
To increase your focus at work, pay attention to those rhythms. If you’re sharpest in the morning, aim to schedule important meetings before noon and save repetitive tasks for the late-afternoon lull. This can increase your productivity — and leave you with more energy at day’s end.
And try to take a brief break every 90 minutes or so throughout the workday; this gives your brain a chance to recharge. Just standing outside and feeling the breeze for a moment can be restorative. (For more on why, read Take a Break.)
Finally, while scarfing down lunch at the desk as you frantically check email can now seem normal, our bodies usually disagree: They often rebel with digestive distress or poor sleep.
Even if all your coworkers eat quickly or skip lunch altogether, try reclaiming your meal break anyway. If you habitually eat in a rush, take a walk outside for some fresh air before lunch. Bring food from home and eat somewhere without a screen in front of you.
Personalize Your Work Environment
Unless you work strictly from home, your workplace likely reflects someone else’s design tastes. Yet research shows that empowering workers to decorate their environments can improve energy, mood, and even efficiency.
In his book Messy: The Power of Disorder to Transform Our Lives, economist Tim Harford describes a 2010 study in England that observed how recruits performed tasks in differently decorated environments, some that were spare and sterile, others that they could arrange themselves. Not surprisingly, the participants preferred spending time in the spaces they’d been invited to design. They also completed more work in the “empowered” spaces than in those decorated without their input.
“In a modern office environment, there can be good reasons why people aren’t in full control of their work — say they have to respond to their customers and boss,” Harford says. This demand for responsiveness, however, requires energized and engaged workers, and that’s all the more reason to give them control of their environments where possible.
A personalized environment will mean different things to different people: It could be a special stone on the desk or a full cubicle redecoration, complete with rug and designer lamp. If your employer doesn’t allow this, bring a framed photo or two to set up and take down each day. The objects matter less than the act of exercising some influence over your surroundings.
Set Clear Boundaries
Digital communication offers several benefits; it allows many of us to work remotely, for example. But it comes with a major caveat: Work follows us everywhere. Setting boundaries is crucial for our well-being and the health of our relationships, as anyone who’s ever interrupted a conversation to respond to a work email knows.
Good boundaries are also important for productivity.
“When we attempt to focus on multiple tasks simultaneously, what happens is that we switch back and forth between tasks, paying less attention to both,” explains Salzberg. This often means tasks take longer and we make more mistakes.
Working only during business hours protects the quality of your attention, both on the job and off. Set a firm end to your workday. If you’re tempted to check email after hours, try setting limits on devices. Shut off your phone during family time. Use an app, such as Freedom, to freeze your online access for up to eight hours. And above all, take all your vacation days — and leave work behind.
Manage Your Meetings
Meetings have become a huge time-eater in today’s workplace. More than half of the office workers surveyed in a 2017 poll labeled “wasteful meetings” as the biggest obstacle to getting their primary work done. A few simple measures can help:
Conduct your next meeting while standing up. People tend to be sharper when they’re not sitting. They’ll often make their points more efficiently, perhaps because no one wants to stand around all day.
Try scheduling your next meeting for half the time you’d normally take; see if it helps improve focus and efficiency.
Set a clear agenda, and check items off the list as you proceed.
Be selective about invitations. If someone’s presence isn’t crucial to a project, assume his or her time is better spent elsewhere.
Make it acceptable (and shame-free) to call out those who go off point, repeat something already noted, or process out loud.
End on time.
Communicate Compassionately
Most of us have a colleague we find challenging. While we usually can’t control who gets hired, we can control how we communicate — including with those who trip our triggers.
One useful approach for both workplace and personal relationships is called Nonviolent Communication (NVC). Developed in the 1960s by the late psychologist and mediator Marshall Rosenberg, PhD, NVC is based on the premise that all human behavior stems from universal needs and that a compassionate approach can free up energy wasted in conflict.
The process has four steps:
Observe a conflict without generalization or judgment.
Identify feelings without attaching blame.
Locate the universal human need at play.
Request — rather than demand —a positive outcome.
Instead of demanding a distracted colleague’s attention, for example, try expressing a need for shared focus in that moment. Or rather than complaining to a coworker because he’s always late for meetings, tell him that when he’s late it feels as if he’s not prioritizing the project.
This approach leaves room for mutual problem-solving. Perhaps someone who’s late is having transportation issues; someone whose attention wanders may be overloaded with tasks.
“Reframing in this way helps us to move from a victim position to an empowered position that increases our choices and our compassion,” says psychologist and leadership coach Yvette Erasmus, PsyD, LP. “And we rehumanize people we’d previously seen as ‘difficult.’”
Salzberg points out that good communication at work also includes how we talk to ourselves.
“We often lie to ourselves about our true feelings,” she explains. “We believe that if we tell ourselves the scary truth, we’ll be forced to explode our lives. This paranoia about being fully honest fosters unhappiness in the workplace.”
Still, Salzberg believes that honesty will lead to more peace at work, not less.
“I have a friend who described herself as someone who could never say no,” she says. When the friend spent time in meditation reflecting on times she wanted to say no but didn’t, “she would feel this near-panic rise up in her — and she learned that was her signal to say, ‘I’ll have to get back to you on that later.’ Then, once she had some space, she could say no when she needed to.”
Honor Your Values
Finding purpose at work is crucial to avoiding burnout, yet many workplaces restrict how employees dress, act, even communicate. It can be tough to find a sense of meaning when it feels as if your every move is being managed.
Still, according to some experts, finding purpose can be as simple as paying attention to your breath.
“There’s a saying: Live short moments many times,” says Salzberg.
“Don’t pick up the phone on the first ring. Let it ring three times and breathe. These purposeful pauses are just a way of returning to yourself and the moment, of stepping away from the pressure and the chaos, and of reuniting with yourself and your values.”
Salzberg also recommends reframing how we view our jobs, which is more than making the best of a bad situation. When we decide what makes our work meaningful, we’re better able to express our deep values, even within the job’s constraints.
“I understand that one of the greatest sources of happiness at work is a sense of meaning, but sometimes the meaning isn’t going to be in the job description,” she says. “Take someone who works in a call center fielding complaints. It may not be the job of her dreams, and on many levels might be really difficult, but she can find meaning in helping someone have a better day and treating them with love and respect.”
Know Your Exit Strategy
Human dignity depends on feeling some agency and control, and a healthy relationship with work means overcoming the sense of being trapped in a job. Hayden works with clients to reframe their careers, designing a résumé that focuses on their entire professional self rather than a dry biography.
“Rather than thinking they’re stuck — they don’t get paid enough and they can’t stand it — we talk about how to use their current position as leverage for the next one,” Hayden says. “I have them make a résumé that lists what they know how to do and what they’ve done, rather than what companies they’ve worked for.”
She recommends splitting your résumé into sections, such as “software and technology” or “education and literacy,” with bullets under each section enumerating your skills and experience in that area.
“People start to realize how smart they are,” she notes, “and where they can head as they think bigger.”
De Graaf suggests a similar process of taking stock of your resources and deciding what’s most important to you. He uses the metaphor of packing for a backpacking journey.
“The backpacker has to ask what’s essential,” he explains. “Usually, the big problem is that the person tries to bring too much stuff. America has a huge backpack right now — it’s struggling under it; it’s falling over. And it’s thinking that the answer is to put more stuff into the backpack, which also means we’re working longer and harder.”
In other words, if you’re holding on to a miserable job strictly because it pays a lot and then spending a lot to soothe your shattered soul, you might consider lightening your load.
Ultimately, the workplace is a meeting ground for humans where all our failings, idiosyncrasies, and blind spots are played out for 40-plus hours every week. Practicing self-care in how we conduct ourselves and communicate with others allows us to find more positive, constructive ways of interacting with our jobs — which is to say, our lives. And what could be more valuable than that?
Self-Care for the Self-Employed
Carving out an independent path as a freelancer, consultant, or entrepreneur can be an exhilarating journey toward self-realization. But self-employment comes with its own sources of stress and worry. These are a few best practices for maintaining your balance.
Create a routine. Self-employed people can get sucked into long hours that turn into cycles of burnout. When possible, set regular hours and create a dedicated workspace in your home or elsewhere (see below) that you can leave when you need to recharge.
Build in rest and exercise. You’re writing your own calendar, so schedule daily exercise, regular meals, and the occasional nap to restore your creativity.
Make a budget. Income can be erratic: Create a monthly budget reflecting how much you absolutely need to earn to cover housing, food, recreation, healthcare, and other basic expenses. Hayden recommends setting aside several months’ worth of these costs so you feel more room to breathe. If you suspect you’re falling short, devote some time each week to reaching out to new business prospects or clients.
Get out of the house. Working only at home can be distracting. Locate the best coffee shops and libraries where you can put in productive hours. And look into coworking spaces — many have flexible leasing plans and can be great places for finding new clients and cultivating the social benefits of the traditional workplace.
This originally appeared as “On the Clock” in the March 2019 print issue of Experience Life.
Get the full story at https://experiencelife.com/article/7-self-care-strategies-at-work/
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Girl, I feel you
Over the course of my life I have encountered numerous questionable events that deepen my understanding as well as broaden my compassion for others. As of late, I have been questioning myself in various areas of my life. These moments of reflection have started to invade my quiet time… my mediation… my sanctuary of solace. There are just some struggles my friends don’t know about… my parents don’t know about… my church doesn’t know about… that I believe allows me the capacity to relate to a full spectrum of individuals from different backgrounds, races, religions, and cultures. I truly despise those who impose their self-taught doctrine, limited ideologies or new found beliefs on me without talking to me and truly finding out who I am as a woman, daughter, sister, creator, friend, and lover.
I was 21 fresh out of college and for a graduation present I was sent to the Dominican Republic for a mission trip. Now thinking back on the first trip, I am almost certain I didn’t take it as seriously as I should have. My boss had informed me that we would be evangelizing in a gentlemen’s club in order to spread the gospel, pray for those in need, as well as offer an alternative occupation for them to change the direction of their lives. While one of my coworkers was preaching their heart out, I found a cozy spot behind the second stripper pole at the back of the bar while I documented the overall moral of the team and gave my assessment in the field report. It’s so crazy to me but at that time I could list off an array of specialty drinks but couldn’t remember a single bible verse. I was so comfortable… I laughed at myself and went back to work. At the end of the sermon I was asked to pray for one of the girls. Reluctantly, I said yes because I really didn’t know what I could do to make her feel better and I didn’t feel qualified. Just moments ago, I had been approached and asked if I was Dominican as well as if I worked there. Of course I laughed but I did what I was told. I preceded to pray for the girl. The most generic prayer I felt I could give without being too intrusive on a life she tried so hard to keep discrete but hopeful enough to possibly guide her to a new one. Later I learned she was taking care of a son who was close by and a family some distance away from the city. She had started really young and made great money. I had no clue what to tell her. How do you tell someone to believe in something that they can’t see… to put their faith in something they might not have experienced before and walk away from the only thing they knew that helped them as well as their loved ones survive. She politely said “gracias”, took the New Testament bible we gave them, sat at the bar and began to read. Now that I think about it, it sucks when your circumstances don’t reflect where your heart and mind wants to go. I know plenty of people including myself (good people not including myself) who are trying to do good in terrible situations. Girl, I feel you.
I was 24 and it was my second trip to Africa. I was in the heart of Nairobi. I am not fond of this word but most people in the states will classify it as the slums. On this assignment, we were providing medicines as well as prayer and information on learning new trades so that the families in the community could be self-sufficient. We entered this hut no larger than a residential four piece bathroom and greeted a mother and her new born. I had just walked through miles of trash, decaying animal flesh and human waste. If anyone knows me and how I feel about germs think of the worst panic attack imaginable and mix that with an attitude that turned me into Ms. What-I’m-Not-Gon-Do. My boss, not noticing the grimace on my face, cheerfully asked me to pray for her. In my head, I was like “my dude, did you not just see what we went through to get here?” Then it dawned on me, after this is done I could go back home… this was her home. I looked at her face and noticed scars that reflected a weathered life that look like it was lived by somebody three times her age. I asked what could I pray for and she let me know that she had two children out in the land fields looking for food, her and her baby were battling HIV and the father had left. All pettiness inside me rose to an all-time high. How could anyone leave their family like this? At that moment, I wanted to put aside whatever Christian values I had and cuss him clear out. Be the witness of a National Geographic moment and pray for the biggest Mufasa lion to get dude up out the paint. I told her okay and asked her how old she was. She said 24. That admission took the air out of me. We were the same age, same color, believing in the same God for completely different reasons. She was simply trying to make it by any means necessary. Doing what she could… her best at her worst… for her kids and not herself. I put my hand on her shoulder, asked her to bow her head and we prayed. I might not understand this… But Girl, I feel you.
I was 26 and at that moment I had the early stages of renal failure. I chose not to tell anyone about the countless doctors’ appointments and the numerous blackouts that would keep me incapacitated for hours alone at my apartment. I went on with life as normal as I could. I was so happy to be assigned to Reynosa, Mexico being that just three months before I had got stuck in category three hurricane in Cabo. This was my opportunity to give back. We were instructed to visit homes and pray for those that were battling various diseases. I selfishly had no desire to do this at all but stayed compliant as it was my job to document our trip. I didn’t want to be a part of it. If I had known this is what we were going to do, I would have stayed back. How can I be a part of helping people, when I myself was experiencing the same thing at the same time. The first house we came to had no windows and looked like it was just comprised of nothing but four cement slabs. As the five of us walked in, I intentionally stayed in the back and observed the interaction with our volunteers, a woman who looked like she was in her early thirties and her young daughter holding a tattered Barbie and a music player. Everybody in the room was all smiles but the little girl and myself. The mother preceded to tell us that her daughter was battling cancer and recovering from a recent surgery to salvage her left leg. She went on further about how long and beautiful the little girl’s hair use to be before she lost it to chemo treatments as well as how upbeat and lively she used to be with her other siblings playing outside like most children her age do. As the mother reminisced about what she used to be the minster, in turn, encouraged them about a future their faith could get them to. I truly sympathized with her because I know how that feels. To be in the middle of where you have been and where you are going… for people to either to want you to look like what you did before or to become this unreachable idea of what you could be. The danger with this is that they don’t acknowledge who you are in the present. I may feel beautiful but what you see may not reflect that. The confidence in my crown fell out with each strand of my hair as I’m just trying to make it another day. My frail body in which I don’t feel like nourishing with food still holds a warm and compassionate heart. The wrinkles in my forehead and the frown on my lips hide a vibrant, happy being that longs to have normalcy. I’m trapped in this body and it betrays the things I want to do every day. So as our volunteers and the mother prayed for a speedy recovery, I connect eyes with the little girl and give her a smile as she lightened up and forced one back. As we parted ways and headed back to the van, I grabbed my new headsets and ran back inside the house. I handed them to her, helped her stick them into her player and ran back out to the van. The six to seven hours I would spend in the clinic doing dialysis everyday took a toll on me mentally. I stayed by myself in a room with no windows, four walls and a ticking clock. Music became my outlet. I completely disappeared and would get lost in between the lyrics and breaths of the singers. I figured why she was going through her treatments, she could create her own sanctuary, be a kid again and drown out the voices… the big scary words doctors use… the uncertainty of mom and dad… maybe a distraction away from the painful needles in her arms. The majority of the time believers push you to be this spiritual person in which I do not disagree with at all. But for those of us who have had more experience with our struggles and vices then the years of encounters in our walk of faith, it can be disheartening sometimes to push for hope. I have personally found it amusing when completely healthy individuals tell me how I should feel or what I should do physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually to be better. Girl, I feel you.
Before you condemn me to hell about my lifestyle, can you love me to Christ? Before you impose your beliefs, can you listen to my heart? Before you throw a scripture in my face, can we relate on a human level so that I can put at ease the voices or memories in my head and become more receptible to what God has given you to tell me? Don’t judge me because if you were perfect I wouldn’t even see you right now… you would already be in heaven. Inspire me by living an inspiring life by being transparent with your own personal struggles and pushing pass them with great effort in your faith. I would feel a stronger conviction to better myself then from the wrath of your judgement. Do you feel me?
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A-F
meme - accepting - @dominionovershadows
A) Why are you excited about this character?
Everything. I mean when I think of Ernessa and the potential I see in her is unlimited. By nature she is a complicated person. Ernessa is compassionate, she has great amounts of empathy, and appreciation for beauty. Then we see her kill people in manners that most people can not stomach, she thinks it is fun to break and build people at her will. To her they are art. Ernessa does not handle being limited, she does not stop herself, if she wants something not a power in this world can stop her. So when I write her I feel that sense of indestructibly, unyielding confidence, and so much passion. As a psychologist and as a writer, Ernessa excites me on all fronts.
B) What inspired you to create them?
I don’t remember how she started, but she was born out of my depression, my lack of love for the world, and my need for compassion. Ernessa loves life so beautifully and so fully that she is truly happy. I envy that about her. Everything is an adventure, and opportunity, and love.
C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?
Not at all, with Ernessa everything clicked right away. Ernessa creates her own world, and she is in control. Her story is of her own making. Ernessa sees herself as a god and with good reasoning too.
D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?
Ernessa stayed very consistent through out, of course she had new scars added and minor changes like that but her main features stayed the same, her height, her body type. Ernessa changes her looks constantly for her own entertainment but nothing is permanent, she enjoys wigs and contact lenses, she also likes prosthetics and make up to alter few things. It is fun for her, and it comes from Daniel practising his make up skills on her when they were children.
E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?
If I met Ernessa in real life, I would absolutely love to be her friend. Ernessa would pay for my therapy and my university fees. But most importantly, I know that she would help me find that love that I have lost. If you are Ernessa’s friend, you can always count on her to come through for you when no one else does, you can always believe that she will be in your corner and go that extra mile, and even if no one believes in you she will. Ernessa is a brilliant friend and lover, anyone would be so lucky to have her in their lives.
F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?
Pride because Ernessa is one of my biggest achievements on a personal level. Happiness because that is truly what she brings to me. Confidence, love, and passion are also what she makes me think when it comes to her. If I had to describe Ernessa I would say that she is natural disaster, a force that can not be stopped, passion of epic proportions. Ernessa is very special to me and I put so much time and love in her.
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